Don’t let Matt Kracht’s book title fool you – he doesn’t hate birds. But don’t let that stop you from shunning South Hill’s wild turkey flock.

If you’ve ever thrown a fist to the sky and shouted, “Stupid bird!” then Tacoma-based author Matt Kracht has the book for you – “A Dumb Birds Field Guide to the Worst Birds Ever.”

Kracht will visit Spokane’s Auntie’s Bookstore from 7 to 8:30 p.m. Thursday and Coeur d’Alene’s Well-Read Moose from 6 to 7 p.m. Friday to present his latest release and the very scientific ranking system it uses to identify the avian species’ worst of the worst.

This March 11 release was preceded with several other writings on dumb birds, including “The Big Dumb Bird Journal,” “The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of North America” and “The Field Guide to the Dumb Birds of the Whole Stupid World.”

So what does Kracht have against birds? Who (or more specifically, which species) hurt him? Of course, only a true bird lover could take such a tongue-in-cheek approach to writing about them.

“I got really interested in birds and natural science in the fourth grade. I had a great teacher who was an avid birder, and she introduced us to the idea of studying birds,” Kracht said.

All birders know the intrusive thought, “stupid bird” that emerges after your bumbling human hands and subpar human eyes fail yet again to capture a good look at the flitting, agile, winged creature of your admiration.

“Humor is a big part of who I am and how I tell stories,” Kracht said.

Kracht’s humor capitalizes on the somewhat mainstream disdain and fear for birds. If there’s a whole Alfred Hitchcock movie about their wreaking havoc, there certainly exists some widespread negative perception. But Kracht turns that negative attitude on its head and uses it as an entertaining opportunity to educate.

“I hope people find it funny and entertaining – and if they learn something about birds or gain a new appreciation for them and the natural world, well, that’s icing on the cake,” Kracht said.

Alongside the various profanities and nicknames, his books feature his own pen ink drawings and hilarious descriptions that make it easy for you to commit bird characteristics to memory. For instance, when Kracht presents the basics of bird identification, instead of “robin-shaped” he makes this category easy to remember by boiling it down to the honest descriptor, “basic.” Instead of identifying something as “hawk-like,” he opts for calling that category “murder.” Straight to the point.

Kracht tosses out any pretension or seriousness from the hobby of amateur birding, replacing it with curmudgeon descriptions and musings that are bound to help reduce intimidation for beginner birders and ensure a good chuckle for those more seasoned.

“Matt’s humorous ‘Dumb Bird’ series has been exceedingly popular amongst our readers,” said Auntie’s events coordinator Teri Ness.

In that spirit, let’s learn a bit about some of the most hated, dissed and shunned birds of Spokane.

First up is the ring-billed gull. You’ve most likely seen them terrorizing the patrons of Dick’s Hamburgers in downtown Spokane. They are most easily identified by the black ring around their bill, and of course their signature squawk.

Due to their sociable nature, they definitely flock together. Their omnivorous diet means they’re able to scavenge just about any unguarded food they can find, and they’re often seen spending afternoons circling the unwitting, dining human.

Although commonly referred to as a “seagull,” ring-billed gulls stay inland during the winter and congregate around lakes, lowlands, farms, humans and their waste receptacles instead. They tend to live just over 10 years, and luckily for Dick’s patrons, they aren’t even among the most aggressive gulls.

Naturally, we cannot leave out the hotly contested wild turkeys. Many South Hill residents know just what it’s like to be out for a walk or job, only to have to veer to the other side of the street to avoid a mean wattled gang of turkeys.

Their territorial takeover has been a wild success, especially thanks to their dietary scrappiness and love for Eastern Washington’s open woodlands. These gobblers are huge, and the males are sure to intimidate with their chestful of green, iridescent plumage.

They travel in flocks and use their sharp, strong feet to claw at the ground (your lawn included) to hunt for insects, nuts, berries and what have you. By day they stop traffic, by night they eerily roost in our tall ponderosa pines – a legitimately fearsome sight for the unsuspecting suburban passerby.

If you’ve ever been to Riverfront Park, you’ve likely had a run in with a Canada goose. Easy to spot thanks to their size and distinct coloring, you know a Canada goose by its long black neck, signature white chinstrap, mostly brown bodies, and floppy black feet.

They love a lawn by some water, and thanks to human landscaping preferences, they have plenty to choose from. These herbivores graze on grass, but they also consume grains and aquatic vegetation. The availability of grass as well as plentiful waste grain from farms entices some migratory populations to not go as far south as they used to.

Their flat, consistent honks will have you quickly craning your neck as they fly by in a signature V formation during the changing of seasons. During nesting season, they become especially aggressive, but human feeding also leads geese to lose their natural fear of us – thus leading to an increase in their “give me that bread or get out of my face” behavior. (P.S. Don’t feed the birds.)