Dear Annie: The value of appreciation

Dear Annie: For the past several years, I have donated two medical scholarships to the local high school in memory of my mother-in-law. While I have received a couple of thank-you notes from students over the years, most of the time, I hear nothing – not even an acknowledgment from the school.

Because of this lack of appreciation, I am seriously considering not giving the scholarships this year. It’s disappointing to put money toward something meaningful and feel as though it’s taken for granted. I know there are plenty of other ways I could spend this $3,000 to make a difference.

Do you think I am being immature by withholding my scholarships because of lack of appreciation? I can’t help but wonder if all high schools treat their donors this way, or if it is just my experience.

I have truly loved being able to help young people further their education, but I’m starting to wonder if this is the best way to do it. What do you think? Am I expecting too much, or is it reasonable to want some acknowledgment? – Feeling Underappreciated

Dear Underappreciated: You are an amazing daughter-in-law, and your kindness toward your mother-in-law is truly touching. It’s completely understandable to want to feel appreciated. Even if the high school doesn’t offer formal acknowledgment, know in your heart how many lives you’re helping – and let that bring you inner warmth.

That said, sometimes a school’s silence isn’t due to ingratitude but simply a result of bureaucratic oversight. Often, the impact of your donation is felt more deeply by the students whose lives you touch, even if the school administration doesn’t express their thanks directly.

Before deciding to withhold your scholarships this year, consider having an open conversation with the school about your feelings. Sharing your perspective might encourage them to find a more personal way to show their appreciation. And if nothing changes, you deserve to explore other ways to make a difference – places where your support is celebrated and nurtures a stronger sense of community.

Your desire for acknowledgment isn’t immature; it’s human. In the end, it’s your choice, and you have to do what brings you the most satisfaction.

Dear Annie: Lately, I’ve noticed a strange habit of mine, and I can’t quite figure out why I do it. Some nights, when I can’t sleep, I grab my phone and scroll through Google News or random articles to help me drift off again. It’s nothing secretive – just harmless late-night reading. But the moment my husband moves, rolls over or stirs even slightly, I instinctively hide my phone, as if I’m doing something wrong.

The funny thing is, I know he wouldn’t care. He’s never given me a reason to feel like I have to sneak around or be secretive. And yet, I still react like a guilty teenager caught past curfew. It makes no sense to me! I know I’m not doing anything wrong, so why do I feel like I need to hide it?

Could this be some kind of subconscious guilt, even though I logically have nothing to feel guilty about? Is this just an old habit from the past creeping into my marriage? I’d love to understand what’s going on in my own head because, quite honestly, it drives me crazy that I do this. – Feeling Guilty

Dear Guilty: You don’t have anything to feel guilty about. Your reaction is likely a conditioned habit, not guilt. Somewhere along the line – whether in childhood, a past relationship or just a desire to be considerate – you learned to associate being “caught” on your phone with doing something wrong. Even though you know your husband wouldn’t care, your brain reacts on autopilot.

That said, scrolling your phone in the middle of the night isn’t doing your sleep any favors. The blue light from your screen can interfere with melatonin production, making it harder to fall back asleep and lowering sleep quality overall. If you’re struggling with restlessness, try a non-screen alternative – like reading a book or listening to calming audio.

The next time you catch yourself hiding your phone, pause and remind yourself: I’m not doing anything wrong. With time, that awareness will help you break the habit.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.