Arrow-right Camera

Color Scheme

Subscribe now

Calling all reluctant cooks: It’s time to step up in the kitchen

By Kristen Hartke Washington Post

Caroline Chambers likes to cook – which, as the creator of the No. 1 food and drink newsletter on Substack, is a good thing. Of course, both the newsletter, “What to Cook When You Don’t Feel Like Cooking,” and her best-selling 2024 cookbook by the same name are also perfectly tailored to those who might be reluctant to get into the kitchen in the first place – including someone right in her own home.

“Most households have one cook,” Chambers says. “It’s a normal thing, and it happens so often in a relationship: One person is good at making the kids’ doctor appointments or doing the taxes. But cooking has to happen every day, so having only one person who does it just isn’t sustainable.”

As anyone who takes on the bulk of the cooking at home already knows, a lot of the work happens well before the pan hits the stove. It’s about deciding what to cook and then procuring the right ingredients, and, like Groundhog Day, it repeats over and over again … into eternity.

So when Chambers needs a night off from the kitchen, her husband, George, will often make one of her recipes, usually 15-minute Veggie Peanut Noods, featuring a fast peanut-butter-based sauce that can easily be doubled and kept in the fridge as a base for a future meal. “There has to be a bit of ownership from both parties,” Chambers says. “Maybe all that non-cook needs are a couple of simple recipes that they know they can execute.”

Women have typically taken – or had thrust upon them – responsibility for cooking family meals at a much higher rate than men around the world, but a 2022 Cookpad and Gallup survey tracking home-cooking habits in 120 countries showed a widening gender gap. “Home cooking increased in 2020 during the pandemic,” research director Andrew Dugan says, “and this included data that men were cooking more often. We had hopes that there had been some real gains made, but the 2022 survey threw cold water on that finding.”

In fact, the slip was significant: In 2018, women were responsible, globally, for cooking an average of more than five meals per week more than men, but in 2021, that number had shrunk to an average of four meals, a positive trend toward closing the gender gap. However, the 2022 survey found a significant reversal of the previous trend, with women cooking at home more than twice as often as men.

Gender, however, is not the only factor in determining who takes on meal preparation, as anyone who lives in a same-sex household already knows. For instance, home-cooking duties might fall on the shoulders of someone who is not employed full time or is perceived to have the less prestigious career, according to research published in the scientific journal Appetite in 2022.

“There are so many emotional systems that come into play when we talk about cooking,” says couples therapist Nicole Gordon Vargas, whose doctoral dissertation, “Cooking with Couples,” explored food-work equality and other issues surrounding the impact of cooking on relationships. “It can be overwhelming for some partners, especially if they just don’t have the experience.”

If you are looking for a way to steer the non-cook in your household away from resorting to pizza delivery – because it’s not necessarily the most budget-friendly or healthiest option, and you would appreciate a little more effort – Vargas recommends just one thing: having a conversation.

“It can be intimidating to say these things out loud,” Vargas says, “but if you can talk honestly with your partner about what might be holding them back from cooking and identify some solutions to make it less intimidating, then you can come up with a compromise.”

It’s time to commit to giving the regular cook in your home one night off each week. Here’s how to do it.

Find motivation

Becoming a great cook isn’t necessarily the only reason to step it up in the kitchen, Vargas says; in fact, some people might take on more cooking duties because they see it as being a good role model for their kids, or because they are interested in a particular aspect of nutrition.

“Some people see food as simply providing sustenance, rather than as a creative outlet,” Vargas says, “but both perspectives are a great basis for a meal.” She suggests that household members cook together once a week until the newer cook is ready to fly solo and be open to negotiating tasks, whether it’s grocery shopping or chopping vegetables. Above all, share your appreciation with the new cook, Vargas says: “Positivity should be the goal.”

Embrace menu planning

Chambers’s top tip for all households is to create a list of recipes that can be shared across everyone’s smartphones. “I call it ‘The Menu,’” she says, “and it has the five or six recipes that are always hits, with a list of main ingredients that can be easily copied and pasted into a grocery list. Once you get sick of those recipes, you can swap them out for some new ones.”

For a recipe like Chambers’s aforementioned Veggie Peanut Noods, her husband can take the extra peanut sauce he made the week prior, toss it with pan-seared frozen dumplings and serve it up with a side of store-bought kimchi for another variation on the same theme, all in record time.

Start in your comfort zone

Begin with a dish that you like and that matches your level of expertise – and build from there.

“The very first dish I learned how to make was spaghetti,” says 27-year-old Davon Moseley, who now teaches more than 2 million social media followers to embrace home cooking, since starting to make videos just a few years ago. “It’s a great entry-level option because that package of dried pasta already gives you some cooking instructions, which decreases the margin for error. Once you get comfortable with a basic tomato sauce, then you can begin to upgrade it by braising some meat to add to it or incorporating wine for more complex flavors.”

And if you love pancakes or scrambled eggs, then don’t be afraid to put those on the menu – because who doesn’t like breakfast for dinner sometimes?

Give yourself extra time

Recipes often offer estimates on how much time will be needed for preparation, but that can vary, especially for someone who isn’t used to cooking regularly or maybe has to help the kids with homework or feed a cranky cat while making dinner at the same time. “Start with a 15-minute recipe,” Chambers says, “but double the time if you aren’t used to cooking.”

Ingredients may also be listed as already prepped, such as “1 onion, finely diced,” so you may need to add extra time for chopping. And don’t be afraid to use prep shortcuts, like frozen or fresh vegetables that are already sliced and diced, if that makes it easier for you to take on dinner once a week.

“At the end of the day, anything you do, you didn’t know how to do that before,” Moseley says. “Like riding a bike, it just takes practice.”