Dear Annie: How can I be included in my son’s new family?

Dear Annie: My son is married to a wonderful young woman, and they’ve recently started a family. She comes from a very large family; she’s the youngest of nine. Our family is much smaller, consisting only of myself, my son and my daughter. We don’t have any extended relatives like grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins. It’s just the three of us.

My daughter-in-law frequently hosts her family and friends for vacations, family gatherings and trips. Unfortunately, neither my daughter nor I are ever invited to these events. Since I live three hours away, I have to ask her permission to visit, and most of the time, they already have plans.

I often feel jealous and hurt, especially for my daughter, as she has only my son and me in terms of family. When I try to discuss this with my son, he tells me that I’m overreacting, exaggerating and being jealous. He implies that if I want to be involved in my grandchild’s life, I have to accept whatever time they offer. With baby number two due in November, I’m finding it increasingly difficult to stay quiet.

Please advise me on how I can approach this situation or what I might say to improve the situation. – Green-Eyed Nana

Dear Nana: It’s completely understandable to feel left out and jealous when you see others enjoying family gatherings while you’re excluded. FOMO, or “fear of missing out,” is real. Open communication with your son is key. Express to him how much you would like to be more involved in family activities. While it might not increase your one-on-one time, you might find yourself included in more events that involve her family.

Since you’ve already noted that your daughter-in-law is wonderful, she might not realize how much you’d appreciate being included. It might help to let her know that you’d love to join more family gatherings.

Additionally, with the arrival of baby number two, there may be opportunities for you to help. Make sure to communicate your willingness to assist, emphasizing your desire to be supportive rather than focusing on feeling left out.

Best of luck, and I hope things improve for you and your family.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.