Miss Manners: I’d appreciate you more if you stopped saying this

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately I have noticed an increase in people saying “I appreciate you” instead of “Thank you” or “I appreciate it.”

I really don’t like it. I hear it fairly often from a co-worker, and I think she is sincere, so I just say “Thank you.”

That feels wrong, however. If I just went out of my way to help her, shouldn’t she say “Thank you” so I can say “You’re welcome?”

The other night at the theater, the people next to me were trying to figure out if the number on the shared armrest meant the seat to the left or to the right. I helped them out and got “I appreciate you,” which they certainly do not. They don’t know me at all.

GENTLE READER: Neither does Miss Manners, but she advises you to take a deep breath and relax.

Yes, it is a simple exchange: “Thank you”; “You’re welcome.” It had been drummed into everyone at those earliest birthday parties (“Say ‘thank you,’ dear”; “Now you say ‘you’re welcome’”) to the point where it came out automatically.

Or so we thought.

Then people started replying to “thanks” with “no problem,” which (somewhat ironically) created a problem for many who were jarred by the change. Miss Manners is kept busy explaining that dismissing the act that inspired thanks is standard in many languages.

And now you are hearing “I appreciate you” replacing “thank you,” and you find it upsetting.

Truthfully, Miss Manners sympathizes; the change seems pointless. Why fool around with a convention that everyone understood and practiced? Yet language does change, and it is futile to expect otherwise.

You know perfectly well what was meant by “I appreciate you.” If it had been phrased as “I appreciate your taking the trouble to help me,” you might even have thought it graceful. Try just smiling in reply, and then watching the stage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am curious about your thoughts on a “money dance” at a wedding reception.

The DJ will announce the dance, in which the bride and/or groom take to the floor and dance with guests at the reception – if the person brings them money. It seems common practice.

GENTLE READER: Renting out the bride (or bridegroom), even for short periods, does not strike Miss Manners as festive. Surely she is not the only one to think how much more money could be made on longer-term rentals.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My retired mom lives across the country and occasionally stays with my family for extended visits, often over a month. When my family is invited to an event while she is here, I hate to exclude her, but struggle to come up with a polite way to mention to our potential hosts that our party may be one more than they expected.

Do you have different advice depending on whether it is a casual gathering or a more formal event?

GENTLE READER: Here is the script for any invitation:

You: We’d love to, but my mother is staying with us, and I hate to leave her alone.

Host, option 1: Please bring her. We’d love to meet her.

Host, option 2: Sorry, another time, then.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.