Miss Manners: Play nice at son’s wedding, mom

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter married a wonderful man, and I happily support their union. My son, however, is about to marry a young lady whom I really can’t stand.

She tells my son wicked, untrue things about me, and almost alienated him from me. She insists that I treat him like a child instead of a grown man, which I can assure you I do not.

My dilemma is that my son asked me to give a speech at his upcoming nuptials. I know that I am obliged to say complimentary things about both of them. I wrote out a lovely speech, but will have a hard time actually saying it, as she is so odious.

Should I just go ahead and give the speech, knowing that this is the only time I will have to do this? Or should I try to find some clever wording to avoid being a complete hypocrite?

GENTLE READER: Unless you are a second Oscar Wilde (and perhaps even if you are), it is dangerous to think you are clever enough to give an insulting speech without being caught out.

So perhaps it would be better to put on your best party face and give your “lovely” speech – after having a neutral person review the text to ensure that it is not likely to cause ill will for years to come.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two well-behaved, medium-sized dogs. Every day, morning and evening, the three of us take a constitutional walk, with the two of them on leashes.

Over the years, I have encountered a variety of people who seem to feel it is their right to call to, play with, distract, pet or otherwise engage my dogs.

The new form of interaction, which puzzles me, involves a stranger seeing me on the sidewalk and immediately asking for the names of my dogs. My dogs’ names are the key first words in commands to them, and it is important for them to always know who is commanding them. Thus, it seems ill-advised for me to aid strangers in calling them by name.

In general, I respond as usual: by smiling slightly and moving on. But the practice of strangers asking “Hello, what are your dogs’ names?” seems to have become terribly common, seemingly overnight.

Is there some new social form in which this is considered good behavior?

GENTLE READER: This appears to be no more complicated than an application (perhaps a misapplication) of human courtesies to the canine world.

Miss Manners agrees that no one should be approaching your dogs without your permission. If you are willing to make an introduction, you could give the dogs pseudonyms. Miss Manners will not tell, and she trusts that you, Fluffy and Gonzo will likewise keep the secret.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.