Miss Manners: Mind your own business, not a stranger’s wardrobe

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was picking up food at a restaurant when a young lady approached the counter to retrieve her order. She was wearing a lovely white dress. Unfortunately, her bright, colorful, patterned undies were quite visible through the dress’s fabric.

I was unsure how, or if, I should approach her to suggest pairing a slip or skin-tone undies with that particular dress. Does Miss Manners have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: Since it is unlikely that you had an extra slip or skin-tone undies on your person, alerting this young lady to the perceived fashion faux pas might not have been welcomed. For all you know, this was a deliberate fashion decision on her part.

Miss Manners is all for telling strangers – kindly and privately – about wardrobe malfunctions, but in this case, nothing could have been immediately done. It would only have caused embarrassment – not just for the young lady, but for you, who would have been caught staring at her bottom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are acquainted with an older couple, and the lady often “reminds” me that I am disabled. I believe she is simply reminding herself of my status in order to keep her acquaintances organized in her mind, but it is unkind.

She will insinuate that I spend most of my time napping during the day (which I do when I have a migraine). I already feel very guilty being home on disability while my husband is working full-time.

In addition, the chance that she is buzzed anytime she interacts with me is more than 50%. Her alcoholism makes her forgetful, but she seems stuck in a pattern of publicly tallying my losses, and I don’t want to spend time with her.

I have told her that real friends do not bring up our cares and illnesses. Should I simply tell her not to call me when she’s been drinking that day?

GENTLE READER: Or ever, Miss Manners would think.

Those over-50% odds are not in your favor, and you do not have to put up with a friend who insults you. You need not take her calls. If she asks, you can explain that your schedule has changed and you are not usually available.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wonderful partner and I will soon be attending his son’s wedding. This will be the first time he’ll see a lot of his former in-laws and friends since the divorce a few years ago, when they pretty much ghosted him.

He’s actually on good terms with his ex-wife now, but was hurt that most of those in her circle pinned him as the bad guy and unceremoniously cut him out of their lives. Therefore, he has no desire to exchange pleasantries with them.

Is there a good response to the inevitable (and fake) “Hey, how have you been?” or “Good to see you” greetings these people will give upon seeing him? Something between an equally fake reply and saying what he really feels?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you for coming.” This is not only cordial, but reminds these guests that your partner is also a de facto host – and that they should tread lightly on his territory.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.