Miss Manners: Only invite co-workers if they’re true friends
DEAR MISS MANNERS: After 22 years together, my “husband” and I are finally getting legally married – a bit tardy, as same-sex marriage was legalized years ago! We’re neither young nor rolling in cash, so we have a very tight budget and need to keep the guest count on the low side.
I would like to include two or three of my co-workers with whom I’m close, but I’m concerned about other co-workers feeling slighted. How does one manage this kind of situation?
GENTLE READER: A wedding is not (or should not be) a networking event. Therefore, etiquette actively discourages inviting co-workers who are not legitimately friends outside of work.
If those who were not invited are bold enough to ask, you may simply tell them it was a small wedding. But Miss Manners suspects that at least one of them will be relieved at not having to spend Saturday evening pretending to be closer with work acquaintances than is the case.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were dining at a mid-priced restaurant. I ordered the special, which ended up sounding much better than it tasted. It wasn’t spoiled and I didn’t send it back, but it was very bland and the consistency was not great.
We were seated close to another couple, and couldn’t help but overhear some of their conversation. The lady mentioned that she thought the special sounded really good and was planning to order it.
I thought about telling her that it wasn’t very good. I decided not to say anything, but I’m wondering: Would it have been rude to share my observations?
GENTLE READER: Yes, since more than likely, you do not share this lady’s taste buds.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My hair is a natural shade of auburn. How do you respond to a stranger asking if your hair color is real?
GENTLE READER: “Last time I checked.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a happily married woman in my 30s with three children and a successful career. My husband and I have decided that our family is complete.
My widowed mother was fortunate to meet a nice man some years ago. They share their lives and make each other happy.
This man often suggests to me that I should have more children. He also says such things to other women in our family regardless of age, marital status or stage of life. He says that he “wants a baby to hold.”
I’m sure he doesn’t mean to offend, yet we find this quite inappropriate. It makes us uncomfortable to be told that we should be making babies. I’m looking for a polite way to suggest to this man that family planning decisions are not things about which women appreciate unsolicited opinions.
GENTLE READER: Talk to your mother about it: “It is so sweet that Earl loves babies and wants to share in grandparenting with you. But the women in the family are a bit uncomfortable with his constant asking. Perhaps you two can find another outlet for baby-holding. Or,” Miss Manners might add, “adopt a pet.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.