Dear Annie: Friends, finances collide

Dear Annie: I’m in a tough spot. A close friend of mine, who I’ve been urging for years to save for a rainy day, is now facing a very real storm. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and is undergoing treatment. Knowing her financial situation – living paycheck to paycheck despite her and her husband’s high-paying jobs – I felt compelled to help with her GoFundMe.

I’ve been managing updates on her journey, but the truth is, she’s always been impulsive with money, spending big bonus checks on gambling, cruises, cars, fancy restaurants and vacations rather than building a safety net. Now, with this diagnosis, her past spending and sharing it all on social media habits are coming back to haunt her.

Many friends and family, seeing her past lavish lifestyle, are reluctant to donate. It’s heartbreaking to see her struggling, but on top of her illness, she’s still indulging in these expensive habits, despite needing to save every penny. I’ve tried talking to her, but she’s in a fragile state, both physically and emotionally.

I feel conflicted. On the one hand, I want to support her through this difficult time, but on the other, I can’t condone her continued spending. I’m planning to distance myself from the GoFundMe, as it feels dishonest to beg for donations for someone who is not prioritizing her own financial recovery. What do you think? How do I balance my friendship with my moral compass in this situation? – Tough Spot

Dear Tough Spot: Your instinct is correct. If the GoFundMe page does not feel like the funds are going where they should be going, then distancing yourself is a good idea. At the same time, don’t distance yourself from your friend emotionally. She is spending money to run away from the scared and difficult feelings that she is going through undergoing treatment for breast cancer. Be kind to her with your time and words. She needs a friend now more than ever, and not someone in judges’ robes.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.