How to talk to kids about the Trump assassination attempt and help yourself cope

When parents try to talk with their children about Saturday’s attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump, it’s essential that they keep their conversation focused on their children, leaving aside whatever feelings of anxiety they might have about the event, experts told the Inquirer on Sunday.

Especially with younger children, parents should avoid delving into complexities or filling in the blanks that go beyond what a child wants to know, said Maureen Brogan, statewide director of the Traumatic Loss Coalitions for Youth Program at Rutgers University.

“A lot of times we get ahead of ourselves. The child’s question might be: ‘Was he hit in the face or the ear?’ That’s all the child wants to know,” she said.

During a politically and socially divisive time, it can be particularly hard for parents to approach children without dragging their own views into the interaction. “I think that’s honestly going to be the hardest part, if we’re being truly transparent, for a lot of adults. There’s a lot of feeling behind a lot of things that are going on in the world right now,” Brogan said.

What adults can do for themselves

The 24-hour news cycle and social media make some adults feel like they are exposed to never-ending trauma, whether it’s the assassination attempt in Butler, Pennsylvania, the devastation caused by Hurricane Beryl in the Caribbean, or wars overseas, said Christian Jordal, chair of the department of counseling and family therapy at Drexel University.

“This is another traumatic incident in a series of traumatic incidents that have occurred in recent years that create existential collective anxiety and depressive kinds of symptoms,” he said. “Individuals are very concerned about the future of our society, irregardless of political affiliation. That is something they are carrying psychologically and emotionally on a daily basis.”

Jordal’s advice is to work hard at fostering a network of friends and loved ones to talk to for support. It’s also important, he said, to engage in hobbies or other activities “that are calming, that help you to feel a sense of enjoyment, a sense of mastery.”

It helps some people to do things that give them “a sense of personal power in a situation that feels powerless,” Jordal said. That could be political activity or volunteering for a nonprofit.

What to look for in children

Changes in behavior can be a sign that a child is experiencing what Jordal called “vicarious trauma.”

Look for things that are out of the ordinary, such as a child suddenly wanting to sleep with parents again after having fully established a habit of sleeping alone, Brogan said. Other red flags could be a change in eating habits or social withdrawal by a normally outgoing child, she said.

The key then is to try to draw out of the child what they are experiencing by asking what the change is like. “It’s almost like trying to draw them out without putting anything into their minds,” Brogan said.

Jordal said it’s important to “stick to routines, a sense of normalization, keep them active, and keep them engaged in life in ways that they can experience joy.”

How to protect children

Jordal advises parents to limit their children’s exposure to news and social media, but it’s especially hard for parents of tweens and adolescents to do that.

“Part of the process of launching kids is to make them aware of the world. I think it’s incredibly difficult right now to raise tweens and adolescents because they know what’s going on,” he said. “They are going to have their opinions on what’s going on and they are also at the same time possibly going to be very concerned and emotionally impacted by what’s going on.”