Dear Kiantha: When jealousy arises, lead with kindness

Dear Kiantha,

I am finding myself the object of jealousy in the workplace and in some of my new friendships. At first, I thought I was making it up. After accessing multiple instances of this dynamic, I know it is not in my head. I am just not sure what to do about it.

Dear Friend,

Be kind to people, even those who are jealous of you, but don’t let anybody play with you based on how they feel about themselves. When others are jealous of you, that is their burden to bear. You must always be your full self, and sometimes the fullness of you can push against the insecurities of others.

What appears to be jealousy is often less about the object of the jealousy and more about a person’s inability to see and or believe in the fullness of themselves.

I once worked in an organization where a colleague of mine was very much intimidated by me. As a woman of color who typically takes up ample space in rooms that I enter, I am always mindful of others who may not be as comfortable with who they are and how they are received in the world.

While it is not my responsibility to manage the feelings of others, it is my responsibility to always be kind. In my attempts to be kind, occasionally I have found myself making myself smaller to suit the needs of others. The more interesting path is the one that invites me to put my emotions and ego aside and use moments where envy and jealousy are present as opportunities to invest in and empower others to show up in their own power.

When attempting to navigate interactions between you and people who may be jealous or envious of you, the only strategy is to focus on the relationship dynamics you would like to establish. The goal should be to develop a productive connection where those you interact with feel supported and not threatened by you. Envy does not exist in spaces where support abounds.

Consider being open to seeing others through the lenses of their vulnerabilities. Remember, negative feelings others have toward you are in many cases not even about you.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha