Dear Annie: Repairing family after a messy divorce

Dear Annie: I’ve been married to my husband for 16 years. He and his ex-wife did not end on good terms. We have never been invited to any holiday gatherings from his grown kids, who are married and have kids of their own. We are, of course, invited to all the grandkid’s birthday parties.

In the past, I have tried to plan Christmas gatherings, but my texts were ignored. I delivered Christmas gifts every year after Christmas and sometimes into March. We didn’t get to see the kids open presents.

So, last year, I decided I was not going to be Santa anymore since we are never extended an invite to join them for Christmas. My kids call me and ask what the plans are for Christmas. His kids, nothing but crickets. I feel bad for my husband because they never plan a birthday, holiday or even a visit. Father’s Day is no different. Any other blended families have this problem? – Stepmom

Dear Stepmom: This has to be most difficult on your husband, but ultimately it is up to him to repair his relationship with his adult children and find out why they ignore you and your invitations for Christmas gatherings. It is nice that you go to the grandkids’ birthday parties. This indicates that the relationship is not beyond repair. It sounds like there is hope. But it also sounds like there is a lot of anger about the divorce directed at your husband, and the best thing you can do is support your husband in taking the steps to repair any damage that was done. As your husband is mending his relationship, try not to point out to him all the terrible ways they have treated him (he knows that), but rather focus on his actions and what he can do to control himself.

Dear Annie: My parents divorced when I was only 6, and my father went on to have three more marriages, the last of which produced a daughter.

Growing up, I felt the only time he had anything to do with my sister and me was if he needed something. He owned multiple businesses – a hotel, a cafe, a bar, a gas station and a steakhouse – and if he needed help running them during the summer when we were teenagers, he would reach out to us. But that was it.

He saw two of my daughters once but never had the pleasure of meeting my third.

When he was in the hospital, his wife reached out to me while I was in Europe. I made arrangements to use WhatsApp so we got to say our goodbyes, and I know this meant a lot to him but meant nothing to me except closure. He passed within hours of talking to me. I feel I took the high road and moved on a very long time ago. – Took the High Road

Dear High Road: The real person you took the high road for was yourself. You will never forget the forgiveness that you gave your father by taking his call. A job well done!

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.