Miss Manners: Sick guest asked to stay home – does not take it well
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had invited a group of friends and family to my home for Christmas dinner and a celebration: six adults and two young children.
The problem was with one guest, who had been bedridden with a severe flu the entire week leading up to Christmas. I kept in touch with this individual throughout her illness.
On Christmas Day, she insisted that she was 100% cured, but she still sounded sick and congested over the phone. I felt the need to protect myself as well as my vulnerable, aging guests. I advised her to stay home and take care of herself, adding that we would get together later, when she was better.
This is where matters went awry. My sick friend took great offense to this un-invitation and bombarded me with nasty texts and insults. I continued to be respectful; however, the nastiness continued.
I have now blocked all texts and communications. Friendship over. Was I wrong for trying to protect myself and my guests from potential illness?
GENTLE READER: It depends on how you phrased it. The correct order is to lavish sympathy on your poor, sick friend, followed by appreciation for her willingness to sacrifice herself so as not to throw off your party. This is followed by a promise to do something special when she is well.
By your account, you seem to have done all of that. Miss Manners just wants to make sure that you did not overdo the Typhoid Mary approach.
The concern shown by such an approach may be warranted, but it is not well received by the people with the germs. Still, it would not excuse your former friend’s extreme reaction.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was swamped by charitable solicitations in the mail this Christmas. A great deal of time, effort and money went into these missives. Yet when I donate to some of these organizations, it is a long time – if ever – before I get an acknowledgment. Sometimes I have to request a receipt, just for tax purposes.
Besides the obvious courtesy of acknowledging a donation, such recognition might encourage the donor to make a repeat gift. Otherwise, past donors may not donate again.
The lack of courtesy has caused me to remove several organizations from my “approved” list. Hopefully these remarks will encourage more acknowledgments.
GENTLE READER: Did your relatives all write you letters of thanks for the presents you sent them?
You may be sure that Miss Manners is not bringing that up to suggest that expressions of gratitude are no longer necessary. Only that they are in short supply – even from people who are angry if they don’t get favorable acknowledgments of the photograph of their lunch that they posted.
Charities are very shortsighted to neglect this, or to dilute the thanks by coupling it with new requests. Miss Manners is aware that you are not the only donor prompted by this to give elsewhere.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.