Miss Manners: Taking phone calls during family events

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Fifteen minutes after arriving at an informal family get-together at someone’s home, a relative took a phone call. She stepped out of the room where everyone was gathered and could be heard down the hall talking for the next 45 minutes.

This kind of thing seems to happen rather often. Am I alone in viewing it as inconsiderate? Do the circumstances – family gathering, informal, children/grandchildren calling – make it acceptable?

GENTLE READER: A short phone call from family at informal family gatherings is, Miss Manners supposes, acceptable. As long as it starts with, “Hi honey, I’m at Aunt Claudia’s house. Is it urgent? Otherwise, I’ll call you back” and (barring an emergency) ends quickly.

But if the urgency turns out to be, say, what to name the new pet rabbit, the call should be postponed in favor of talking to those who are present.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will soon be attending my 50th law school reunion. I expect that, at least once, I will be in the company of a certain married couple, as both people were law school classmates of mine.

This couple “adores” each other, very publicly. They exchange loving glances, mild caresses and light kisses at every opportunity, in every venue.

I find their behavior inappropriate. Is there a polite way to ask them to stop?

GENTLE READER: No. Miss Manners supposes the charm that this couple is still so in love – or at least eager to counter divorce rumors – after decades of marriage is lost on you.

If it irritates you beyond polite tolerance, you may say, “Ah! I see another classmate. I’ll leave you two alone to enjoy each other’s company.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a 12-year-old, I wear makeup, but my grandfather thinks differently: He thinks the appropriate age to start wearing makeup is 16. I think that is just preposterous! What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That it is up to the guardians with whom you live. If that is your grandfather, Miss Manners is afraid you are out of luck.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a building with a security system and buzzers. My neighbors buy everything online, often receiving three or more packages a day. As they are rarely home, the delivery people ring my buzzer, too.

I accepted a package for them once, and it was a thankless task trying to get them to retrieve it. Now I don’t answer my buzzer, but I worry that one day, someone ringing it might actually want me.

Can I put a sticker saying “NOT ACCEPTING DELIVERIES FOR ANYBODY EXCEPT ME” next to my name on the buzzer?

GENTLE READER: No, but you may have a talk with building management about how to handle what must be a common annoyance for the other tenants, as well. A private intercom system, perhaps, or a secure code for trusted delivery services.

But if there’s nothing to be done and you cannot imagine a time where you yourself might be absent and in need, a sign saying, “Please buzz only the package recipient” would at least be more polite phrasing.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.