Miss Manners: ‘Excuse me’ works for anyone

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in a store the other day and wanted to catch the attention of a worker who was down the aisle from me and walking away. I could not tell, from a distance, what gender the employee was, and running down the crowded aisle in order to see them face-to-face was impractical.

Before I became aware of the pain caused by misgendering people, I probably would’ve just called out, “Excuse me, sir?” (Or ma’am, or miss, depending on my best guess.) Now I want to do better, but there seems to be no way to call out to someone whose gender is unknown. “Excuse me, person?” or “friend?” Both sound absurd.

Is there a gender-neutral way to get the attention of somebody in the service industry?

GENTLE READER: Just “excuse me” is fine. As these workers are in the service industry, they are already on alert that their help may be required. Simply repeat as necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a small house, and my adult son asked me to host his son’s birthday party. He invited 14 guests, not including several young children. It was a bit chaotic, but still, conversations could be heard.

When my sister and her husband arrived, she quickly grabbed the television remote and put on sports. I was extremely annoyed but chose not to create a scene. When it was time for the birthday cake, I asked her to turn the TV off.

As soon as the cake was served, her husband quickly turned the TV on again. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Hide the remote next time.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I enjoy an old-fashioned, which are typically served in rocks glasses. At a bar we frequent, they use one oversized cube of ice, rather than a scoop of crushed ice, to chill the beverage.

What is the etiquette for enjoying the last sips of your drink without that giant ice cube sliding down and bonking your nose?

GENTLE READER: Place a subtle forefinger on the offending cube, whilst clasping the rest of the glass with the thumb and middle. Miss Manners cannot entirely guarantee, however, that your finger will not bonk your nose instead – particularly after the second or third old-fashioned.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often receive gifts that creep me out – namely, gnomes and figurines. I just donate said items to a local thrift store. Is there any non-rude way to say you do not care for certain gifts?

Being a polite person, I am sure that I expressed my thanks when I received these things the first time. But now, years later, I am still creeped out, and I still receive them. My friends have never seen any of the items they gave me displayed in my home.

Sometimes expressing thanks for an unwanted item just brings on more.

GENTLE READER: And yet one must. But you may take comfort in knowing that someone, somewhere, is building a well-loved collection of creepy trinkets. Miss Manners suggests you continue to feign gratitude on their behalf, if not your own.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.