Faith and Values: Do language barriers begin with attitudes?

In his edgy, unapologetic book on progressive Christianity, “If God Is Love, Don’t Be a Jerk,” John Pavlovitz tells a touching story of how the barrier of language was overcome by compassionate listening and understanding. Pavlovitz found himself in a Texas border-town church that hosted some Latino families for the evening.

Pavlovitz sat down with Hector, a young Mexican father and his 6-year-old daughter, Angelina. Pavlovitz spoke little Spanish, and Hector spoke no English. Pavlovitz was nervous how they would communicate. But they found a way. It started with smiles from all three.

They shared hand-art, photos, laughter and gestures that didn’t require a verbal language. Then a Spanish-speaking church member sat down with them. He helped them translate more stories, as well as the hopes Hector had for his daughter and himself. But it all began with an attitude of compassion and encouragement.

They found common ground at that dining table: faith, fatherly pride and amazing daughters, dreams for those daughters. Their only obvious differences were birthplaces and different shades of skin.

What began as a significant language barrier melted away as Pavolvitz and Hector embraced hope-centered attitudes. These attitudes moved them to recognize each other’s basic humanity.

Attitude moved them to understand their common connections were greater than their language and cultural differences. Attitude can overcome all kinds of barriers, including language.

Yet we too quickly let language stand in our way of what we want to say. And I’m not just talking about the languages from cultural or ethnic backgrounds. We who speak English as our primary language too quickly subvert communication with each other when our personal attitude reveals we don’t really want to communicate with “certain other people.”

So-called culture wars are burdened-to-breaking with attitudes that make communicating with a perceived “enemy” impossible. It’s like we’re speaking totally different languages.

We aren’t, but we do let our fearful attitudes get in our way of authentic communication with each other.

Our “languages” are many: religion/spirituality, social justice, economics, gender identity, medicine, politics, love, hate, person-to-person, social media. The list seems endless.

Do you get the idea? “Language” is a complex word, given to quick misinterpretation, not to mention overreaction and volatile dysfunction.

I’m preaching to myself in this column. (Actually, every column I write – or sermon I preach – includes me in the struggle I speak to.) It’s sometimes hard to not let my attitude of anger, fear, condescension – or whatever – poison my effort to communicate.

But occasionally, I actually remember Jesus’ challenge to “love your enemies.” That prompts both guilt and hope in me. And a question: What must I do – what must we do – to love an enemy?

A first answer must be: change our attitudes! How can I love someone, or want the best for that person, if I can only see that person as an “other,” as someone I can only disagree with? An attitude of demonization will always build a barrier between us.

A few more important questions: Why do I choose to create a barrier between us? (Claim your own part in barrier-building.) Why do we use words that both of us know, but we choose to not understand or respect what the other person means?

There are nearly countless language examples we experience or observe every day that illustrate how difficult it is to communicate with another person. But that difficulty, more times than not, likely starts with our attitude, or that person’s attitude – or both.

Attitude checks can dissolve language barriers! Loving that enemy will only happen when you can find a common language that doesn’t use words.

The Rev. Paul Graves, a Sandpoint resident and retired United Methodist minister, can be contacted at elderadvocates@nctv.com.