Dear Annie: Daughter-in-law constantly belittles my son

Dear Annie: I am struggling with how to handle my relationship with my daughter-in-law. Married for five years, with two children, we spend time with them every few weeks, usually to babysit the kids.

My problem involves the verbal abuse my son suffers at her hands, and to witness it and keep quiet about it is becoming unbearable for me. His wife berates and belittles him in front of anyone and everyone. She makes comments to me about him almost constantly. To give you an example, she blamed my son on her cavities she had at her last dental appointment! It would be almost comical, except for the fact that this is our son she is abusing.

Do I have any right as a parent of an adult child to say anything? And if so, to who? We love our grandchildren and spending time with them and don’t want to jeopardize that relationship. – Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother: I’m not sure what you mean by the “right” to say something. But yes, you should say something. Tell your daughter-in-law at the time of an insult that she should stop.

But more importantly, you should talk to your son about his overall mental health. Is he happy in his relationship? Does he seem depressed? Being with an emotionally abusive partner can be exhausting and isolating. So just keep checking in on him and making sure that he is OK. The fact that you said her behavior would be comical except that it’s your son, leads me to question if you might also find a little bit of meanness in humor.

Dear Annie: I just read a letter from “Sad Mama,” who says her son wanted nine people to stay in a four-person vacation home. I can say that her concern about the septic system is valid. I work as an inspector who checks these systems daily. Overuse of these systems can cause expensive repairs, or even replacement of the entire unit, depending upon state codes.

Her son should be thankful the family has any kind of vacation home. One of the problems of our world is everyone wants more. Be happy with what you’ve got! – The Septic Lady

Dear Septic Lady: I always love hearing from experts in their field. Thank you for your insight.

Dear Annie: I’m in my late 30s. Is it rude to ignore a much older boomer friend who constantly texts me asking dumb, ridiculous questions? This person has always been out of touch, but lately they’ve been extra annoying for some reason. Every time I answer, it just extends the conversation, so when can I cut them off? And how? – A Ghost

Dear Ghost: If you don’t want to hear from your friend, then simply stop replying to his questions.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.