Dear Kiantha: Living authentically comes at a price, but it’s worth it

Dear Kiantha,

Sometimes I find myself doing things to fit in socially that I later regret. I want so badly to be accepted that I seek the approval of others and rarely show up authentically. In one way or another, the approval of others has always been important to me and now, as I am getting older, I realize how damaging this behavior has become.

Dear Friend,

Authenticity comes with a high price and an even higher tax, but it is currency well-spent. Living in your truth is worth more in the long run than the savings you get by acquiescing to the expectations of others.

I have never been a person who has sought the approval of others, and I wish that I could tell you that doing so has come with no cost or loss. While there has been great reward for being brave enough to live authentically, there have been times in which my authenticity has cost me money or opportunities, and it’s sometimes caused social ostracization. The thing about living in authenticity is that you can’t please all of the people all of the time.

Seeking the approval of others can be a double-edged sword. We need to have people in our lives that serve as moral markers for us. Their acceptance or approval, however, should not be the marker by which we measure ourselves because it can cause us to temper our authenticity to fit into a box that they design for us instead of one in which we design for ourselves.

The best advice I have been given is to “keep on living” – meaning as we continue this journey of life, continue to grow and mature because our experiences will provide us wisdom that we cannot pay for. Now that you understand that the behavior of seeking approval has been damaging, you have the opportunity to cease that behavior and you have the responsibility to share this valuable lesson with others.

While there are definitely costs associated with living authentically, the valuation of an authentic life yields rewards for everything and everyone you come into contact with because, there is only one you in this entire world.

Give us the real you, I promise it is the best version.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To read this column in Spanish, visit www.spokesman.com. To submit a question, email DearKiantha@gmail.com.