Spin Control dusts off its crystal ball for 2024

On the last day of the year, it’s traditional to reminisce about high and low points of the previous 364 days. But what’s the challenge in recycling old news? Spin Control prefers to predict some highs and lows of the next 365.

Make that 366, because 2024 is a leap year. Here’s our look into the crystal ball, or as Bullwinkle would say, “Eenie, Meenie, Chili Beanie”:

A winter blizzard will hit the East Coast, prompting apocalyptic reporting by the national news media, which gave relatively short shrift to an earlier blizzard that hit the Great Plains and Midwest. People who confuse weather with climate will say the blizzards prove climate change – which they always call “global warming” – is a hoax.

The Legislature will convene with an estimated $191 million extra in the state budget. There will be calls from conservatives to give a tax rebate to state residents and calls by progressives to raise some taxes to pay for even more state programs. The former won’t have the votes to get out of committee; the latter will be shelved because half the Senate and the whole House face re-election in the fall.

A surprisingly strong showing by a candidate other than Donald Trump in an early GOP caucus or primary will prompt speculation about a deadlocked or “brokered” Republican National Convention. It will last roughly until Super Tuesday, when the GOP nominee will be clear.

States that have had their late primaries become irrelevant because of Super Tuesday will call for an overhaul of the primary system. After a flurry of proposals, nothing will happen because attention has moved on to the general election.

After drama over a possible government shutdown, Congress will pass a budget through a continuing resolution and vow to pass a fiscal 2025 budget through the regular appropriations process. None of the appropriations bills will be passed before the fiscal year starts on Oct. 1.

At the behest of a cute grade school class studying how their government works, the Legislature will discuss a bill to create a new official state object – possibly an official state amoeba, official state cloud or official state Taylor Swift song. It will sail through the hearing process because no legislator wants to appear mean to kids. In a lesson on how government really works, the bill will die on the final day of the session when legislators run out of time to debate anything but the budget.

An unheralded college men’s basketball team with a double-digit seed will surprise experts and oddsmakers, advancing to the Sweet 16 round of the NCAA Tournament. That will prompt a spate of over-the-top Cinderella references to its progress. National sportscasters will forget all about the team when they lose in that round. In related news, no one will get all the games right on your office bracket pool.

With the approach of Daylight Saving Time on March 10, the news media will be full of stories about the dangers of that one-hour lack of sleep in the week to follow. Congress, which has a bill pending to allow states to remain on permanent daylight time, will say the issue needs more study.

The price for some everyday grocery cart item like flour, eggs, milk, beef or chicken will more than double as a result of an unexpected shortage or transportation issue. All major news sources will do extensive stories showing empty shelves and interviewing shocked consumers. When the price goes down in a few weeks, it will receive – at most – a brief mention on a back page or in the 10 seconds before a commercial break.

Conservative activists will demand that libraries only allow books with LGBTQ themes to be checked out to teens who bring a notarized letter from their parents. Historians will demand that Margaret Mitchell’s “Gone With the Wind” only be checked out to people who also check out Harriet Beecher Stowe’s “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” and Colson Whitehead’s “The Underground Railroad.”

A heat wave in the summer will strike parts of the United States, prompting those who confuse weather with climate to claim it is absolutely irrefutable proof of global warming.

A record amount of money will be spent in the race for president, Washington governor and the state’s U.S. Senate seat. Candidates will denounce the level of spending even as their campaigns are spending like billionaires at the yacht dealership.

After the Democratic and Republican presidential nominees are set, about half of all voters will complain about their choices. The national news media will give new attention to third-party and independent candidates. This will lead to discussions of the prospect that one of those candidates could win enough votes in a few states that no one will get a majority in the Electoral College.

Only the Democratic and Republican nominees will receive enough votes in all the states to get Electoral College votes.

Calls for action on a bill to allow states to remain on permanent Daylight Saving Time will resume in October, a month before the clocks are changed back on Nov. 3. Congress won’t act, saying it’s too late in the session and too close to the election.

After polls close on Election Night, people unhappy with the results will question their validity. Even though the critics have never observed their local election process, they will continue to cite conspiracy theories they read online. The fact that the equipment or processes being questioned aren’t even used in their local balloting system will not sway them.

At the end of the college football season, a team with an impressive record will be left out of the College Football Playoff schedule. Despite the fact that the playoffs have been expanded to 12 teams from the current four, unhappy fans will call for the playoffs to be expanded.

The number of mass shootings by the end of the year will eclipse the number in 2023. After the first such tragedy, gun safety advocates will call for new legislation while gun rights advocates will say it’s too soon to politicize the tragedy by talking about restrictions. The frequency of later mass shootings will mean it will always be “too soon” to enact gun legislation in 2024.

Wait a minute, you might be saying. Most of these happen any year or every election year.

That’s true, but if I could really predict the future, I’d be working on Wall Street or sitting in a casino sports lounge, making real money.