Miss Manners: Never meet your heroes, part 943

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a gathering where a foreign movie director was present. I knew that one of his films had won the Oscar for Best Foreign Language Film several years (decades) ago. I approached him and told him how much I enjoyed that particular work.

He responded, “Oh. That film hadn’t been mentioned all evening. I suppose it was inevitable, as it’s the one that everyone knows. I guess it’s good to have that mention under my belt for the evening.”

I mumbled something about how I knew I would have regretted failing to mention my fondness for that particular film when I had the chance. I then made a hasty retreat and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the evening.

How should I have handled this? I feel almost wrong for having mentioned it at all. But that doesn’t seem right, either.

GENTLE READER: This director has been approached so many times by fans of that film – and is so irked that his later work has not received the same attention – that he has forgotten basic manners.

Insulting you for complimenting him was unpardonable. Miss Manners does not say this to suggest that you should have acted any differently, but only to wonder that the director does not have the common sense to realize that you might have.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I tell someone “I hope you feel better soon” or “I hope they find your missing cousin,” most of the time, the person’s response is “Me, too.” Am I right to be annoyed by this?

I maintain that the only proper response is “Thank you.” Tell me, Miss Manners, am I being overly critical?

GENTLE READER: Although you are correct – and assuming that your first example was someone recovering from a cold, not bubonic plague – Miss Manners allows greater latitude to the “missing cousin” situation. The speaker’s concern in that case may be of a magnitude to justify their expressing woe over acknowledging sympathy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve begun walking our two beagles around our quiet neighborhood, both for their benefit and mine. One of the dogs has always been chubby, but both are well-loved and have always been well cared for.

However, several times, total strangers have approached me and told me that my dog is overweight, even implying that I’m abusing him. One lady we’ve encountered tried to give me a list of dog trainers that could help.

How do I respond to these accusations, short of locking the dog in the house and never leaving, which isn’t fair to either of us?

GENTLE READER: “Thank you for the suggestion.”

Before you complain to Miss Manners that such an answer is too polite for someone who just implied that you are abusing your dog, she points out that a five-word answer, delivered with slightly compressed lips, is not an admission of guilt, a display of enthusiasm, nor a commitment to act.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My nosy neighbor follows my husband and me around and takes pictures of us. My husband smokes, and she is always taking photos of him smoking. This morning, while we were watering flowers, she took several pictures and commented, “Got both of you.”

Short of calling the police, what do I do?

GENTLE READER: You say, “Please stop taking photos of us.”

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.