Dear Kiantha: Not getting dream job shakes confidence

Dear Kiantha,

Recently I applied for what was my dream job. Every position I previously held was getting me ready for this one. I was well-qualified and had positioned myself for the day this opportunity would come. Long story short, I did not get the job and now my confidence is shaken, and I am questioning if I had been delusional about my abilities.

Dear Friend,

There are three things I would like to share with you. The first being I completely understand and have felt what you are feeling after working hard for something that I wanted, and it did not happen when or how I wanted it to.

Because we are human, our natural instinct is to look inward first. What could “I” have done better? What did “I” do wrong? And the most destructive of all: why wasn’t I good enough? While these are all natural thoughts, they are also misleading because they lead us to believe that we are in control of what happens in our lives. In truth, we control a very small percentage of what happens in our lives, therefore when things don’t work out as we plan, that is often beyond our control as well.

The second thought I would like for you to consider is an old Buddhist principle I read about many years ago: Wherever your feet are is where you are supposed to be.

There are no mistakes, there are no missteps and there are no failures. When we adopt this way of thinking, we put less fault on ourselves and the things we deem as failures instead relying more on life leading us in every moment. This way of thinking may help you to see that the position you were hoping for was not for you at this time.

Lastly, nothing on this earth has the right to shake the confidence you have in yourself. Not a position, not a person and certainly no circumstance. Your belief in yourself must stand during the sunshine and in the moments that appear to be a storm. You are not delusional, that job wasn’t for you. Always believe in you, I certainly do.

Soul to soul,

Kiantha

Dear Kiantha can be read Fridays in The Spokesman-Review. To read this column in Spanish, visit www.spokesman.com. To submit a question, email DearKiantha@gmail.com.