Dear Annie 9/10
Dear Annie: I recently had my 50th birthday. My boyfriend and I have been dating for seven years, with a two-year break. His friend recently asked me if my boyfriend gave me a present from him. I hadn’t received the present, so I didn’t say anything to my boyfriend, hoping maybe time just got away from us and he forgot. It has been over six weeks now, and still nothing. There is no chance my boyfriend is jealous of his friend in any way.
Could my boyfriend be holding an old grudge from our past breakup? We broke up because of a trauma of mine that he did not handle well; he ended up disrespecting me rather than consoling me. There are some other things I feel he is shielded about, but this feels different. Is he stealing my present, or is there something I’m not getting? This seems out of character for him. I don’t want to be in a one-sided or dishonest relationship. – Confused
Dear Confused: The fact that you’re unwilling to ask him point-blank what happened to your gift is evidence of a disconnect. Figure out what’s holding you back.
It’s clear that you and your boyfriend need to work on open, honest communication. No relationship can survive without it – especially one where one or both parties have endured a trauma. A professional therapist can help.
Dear Annie: My fiancee of 10 years wants us to move forward based on lies. Last year, I found out my fiancee of 10 years was having an affair. I called her out on it, and she broke it off with him. We’ve been working on things (two deaths in the family slowed things a bit and made times difficult), and for the most part, we’re doing OK. I want to forgive her and continue on to marriage. Problem is, she swears it was a one-week affair where they had intercourse three times. But I’ve found plenty of notes and pictures and their goings-on on social media, and her family suggests it was a year long affair.
I’ve asked her plenty of times to just tell me the truth so I can forgive and we can move forward. She keeps telling me to quit living in the past. I keep telling myself that I know the truth and that I should just let it go. But I feel I can’t move forward based on lies. What should I do? – Confused Heart in Missouri
Dear Confused Heart: Enlist the help of a couples counselor to work through your fiancee’s affair and mend the damage it has caused. I also wonder – why a 10-year engagement? Perhaps in your counseling you’ll find solutions to other underlying issues that have prevented you from tying the knot sooner.
It seems you and your fiancee both want to put this event behind you and move forward in your relationship and into marriage. However, this matter can’t simply be swept under the rug or ignored. In order to truly close this chapter, you both must be willing to do the work and confront it to overcome it.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.