Dear Annie 9/5

Dear Annie: I’m writing this concerning my family. I have five sons and one daughter who are all grown and have children.

My third son, “Jake,” has two adult daughters and an adult son. When Jake’s two daughters were kids, I went head over heels in buying things for them. The son wasn’t born yet. I bought nothing but the best for the girls, and now that they are in their mid-30s, I don’t hear a word from them. I bought them stuff from a very expensive boutique, yet I don’t even get a phone call on Mother’s Day or my birthday.

And it’s not just this year; it’s every year. I never hear from them. But on the other hand, my daughter-in-law’s mother is deceased, and they go to her grave on Mother’s Day and any other holiday. But they can’t even pick up the phone and call their grandma who is still alive to say “happy Mother’s Day” or “happy birthday.”

When I look back, I realize that I also gave them lots of love and took them to church, and when they were kids, they stayed at my house most of the time. It’s not just monetary things. I feel so left out of my grandchildren’s lives. There is much more that I can say about this situation, but that’s all for now. – Brokenhearted in Ohio

Dear Brokenhearted: Assuming that there has not been a huge fight or reason that they are upset with you, my guess is that they got busy in their lives. It is petty to focus on the expensive gifts that you gave them as children and does not give you the best look. Instead of complaining about all you did for them and how they don’t appreciate you, switch the narrative in your head and focus on how much you love and miss them.

Then focus on ways you can connect with them. Reach out to your son and ask him what they would really be interested in doing with you. Give to them your time, love and attention, and my guess is that you will get it back tenfold. Try to let go of the jealousy you feel when they visit their deceased grandmother, and look at it as what beautiful grandchildren you have – that they honor their grandmother.

Once you let go of your bitterness about people not behaving exactly as you think they should, you will be surprised by how kind and wonderful they can be.

What we put in is what we get out. Make sure you call them on their birthdays and show them the unconditional love that you want from them and that they want from you. Don’t get hung up on everything they do wrong, and instead get hung up on everything they do right.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.