Dear Annie 9/3

Dear Annie: My fiance’s brother and his wife have been married for 10 years. They’ve been in a “thruple” now for about six months. They recently moved their girlfriend into their home with them and their two young kids. Although I’ve tried to refrain from judging them because I’ve been told they are happy, I still choose not to be around them.

I believe marriage should be a commitment between two individuals, regardless of gender, and monogamy is a staple of maintaining a foundation of trust between two individuals who are married.

Infidelity has caused problems for them in the past, to which I consoled my future sister-in-law on many occasions. I see this just causing more problems in the long run (not just for them but the kids, too), even though it’s temporarily offered some kind of distorted amicable solution now.

My fiance tolerates it because it’s his brother, but he doesn’t agree with it either. My decision to distance myself from their family has not affected my relationship with my fiance. He supports my decision and is understanding. Am I wrong to not want to be around them when this “thruple” goes against my moral convictions? – Three’s Company

Dear Three’s Company: No, you are not wrong. Since this goes against your moral convictions, by all means keep doing what you are doing – choosing not to be around them – though you might want to reach out to your future sister-in-law. I wonder how happy she is with this new arrangement. Of course, her children had no say in the matter.

One size doesn’t fit all marriages, and no matter how close we are to someone, there’s no way of knowing what truly happens behind closed doors. But she might want to open up to you so you can understand why monogamy is not important to her. Or she might say the opposite – that this is all her husband’s idea and it is driving her crazy.

I agree with you that the situation will cause more problems in the long run for the couple’s marriage, and it could have a lasting impact on their children. In the meanwhile, for those times when you must all be together, try to be as polite as possible.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.