Miss Manners 7/11

DEAR MISS MANNERS: With things improving with COVID, we are suddenly receiving invitations for children’s birthday parties. We haven’t gone to any before, because our child was too young, and now I’m realizing there doesn’t seem to be a standard rule for time of arrival.

Do we arrive approximately 15 minutes, late like a normal house party or dinner party, or does it depend on the venue?

GENTLE READER: Do you want to be the one to explain “fashionably late” to a small child who is beginning to think that no one will show up and imagining humiliating reasons why?

For that matter, try explaining to Miss Manners what is chic about disregarding the host’s instructions. We only allow that 15-minute leeway because all dinner guests always get stuck in traffic. Not because it is cute.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a reception co-hosted by a friend at the other co-host’s residence. It turned out that the reception, a small social gathering with food and drink, was actually a meet-and-greet function featuring a candidate running for state office. There was a bit of a stump speech and a follow-up Q-and-A.

Had this been a pleasant social occasion, I most certainly would be writing a thank-you note to both hosts. But it was a political event disguised as a social gathering.

The hosts privately contracted a valet for the event, which prompts my question: If I find myself in this situation again, should I tip the valet?

GENTLE READER: Granted, a bait-and-switch gathering – one that is supposedly a party, but is actually about selling something, whether a bowl for leftovers or a candidate for office – is not really a social event. Miss Manners would worry that a letter of thanks would appear to endorse the candidate, if you are not inclined to do so.

However, the valet, being innocent of luring you there under false pretenses, should be tipped as usual.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there still a stigma attached to gifting paperback books, rather than hardcover? A book that I think the recipient would really enjoy is available in both editions.

While I would not mind the extra expense, I feel that the monetary value of the paperback book might be considered more appropriate for the occasion (a personal parting gift to a co-worker).

GENTLE READER: A stigma attached to giving paperback books? Uh-oh.

And here Miss Manners thought that the magic ingredient was the content, and that even a battered copy of a book that captured one’s interest was better than a shiny edition of the latest bestseller chosen without regard to the recipient’s taste.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am blessed with the most perfect, most well-behaved and most beautiful dog. Naturally, passersby tell me, “Your dog is so beautiful.”

My first instinct is to say “Thank you,” but then I realize I’m accepting praise for someone else. I’ve tried responding, “My dog thanks you,” but who am I to speak for my exceptional dog? What is an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: And while you overthink this, your dog is thinking, “Can’t we just get on with the walk?”

And can’t you? Compliments are well-meant, and should not be parried with quibbles. Miss Manners asks you to say “Thank you” and move on.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com.