Dad Daze: A young life lost offers important life lessons

“What are you going to do with your life today?” was the message my son Eddie received from his friend, Leo, at 4:36 a.m. Eddie, 19, had what would have been a forgettable, mundane day. However, my older boy will never forget that Thursday, since it was the last time he heard from his close pal, who shockingly died hours after sending that communique at age 17.

His parents, who thought he was just sleeping later than usual, discovered their youngest child in bed with no vital signs. Teen suicide and drug overdose are leading causes of death at such a young age. But neither claimed Leo’s life. Leo had a heart condition since birth. After a number of open-heart surgeries, Leo was slated to go under the knife again, but the procedure was delayed.

It was the same story for my former neighbor, Howard, who died a few years ago due to the same cause but at 68. It’s been devastating for Eddie and his friends and has also rocked my younger son, Milo, 16, who was a schoolmate of Leo’s from kindergarten through freshman year. Leo thought enough of my younger son that he named his cat Milo Condran.

I remember hearing about Leo’s heart condition when he was just over 8 years old, which was shockingly midlife for the star-crossed teen, during a camping trip. I brushed it off since I guess I thought, well, due to medical advancements, a heart condition was not that big of a deal. But I glossed over the fact that the fun-loving and respectful kid had a pacemaker, and I just never imagined that he would die young.

Eddie immediately spent time with his family after learning that Leo was gone. It’s difficult to believe Leo’s seven siblings are saying goodbye to the baby of the family. Over the years, Eddie would tell me how Leo was a gifted self-taught musician and that I should speak with him about music. I said that I would, but I never did since I just took it for granted that Leo would be around for a while.

“You know, Leo never went to a concert,” Eddie said. Years ago, I told Eddie that I would take him and his friend to a show, but I never did. I took some time to think about how at times I race through life and just tell myself I’ll get back to whatever, but usually never do get there. I told Eddie I’m going to try to live life more like an improv artist and say “yes.”

I’m so accustomed to saying no to my children. Milo could say, “Can we leave the house now? It’s burning to the ground,” and my initial response would typically be, “Not right now” or “I’ll get back to you on that.” While watching clips of Leo playing the guitar and hearing of his exploits as a 4-year-old performing on the piano, I should say yes more and remember that tomorrow is promised to no one.

I’m also dealing with a crestfallen son who can’t believe his good buddy will no longer be there for him. While dealing with a tough breakup two years ago, Eddie always turned to Leo. “I don’t know how I’m going to deal with this,” Eddie said. By making as many moments count. Eddie connected with Leo through music and art. “That’s how I’m going to keep him alive,” Eddie said. “I’m going to do so through acting and what I draw. I won’t forget him.”

Just after Eddie found out that his friend died, he traveled to his home. “It was weird,” Eddie recalled. “As I stepped in front of his house, the street light turned off and then went on again, and it flickered. I know he’s still out there. I’ll never forget him. I can feel his presence.”