Dear Annie 12/26

Dear Annie: I need a little advice. My oldest son, age 42, and my youngest, 32, had a disagreement three years ago and still aren’t talking to each other. What is especially heartbreaking is they have the most in common with each other out of all my four children – a total of four.

The oldest son, “Bradley,” is bipolar, and he did not start treatment and medications until two years ago. The argument occurred one year before he received help. Now Bradley has admitted that it was his fault, that he was a jerk during the conversation, when he insulted my youngest son’s girlfriend.

Despite this, my youngest, “Frank,” REFUSES to speak to his brother, although Bradley has tried to reach out to him many times. I threw a barbecue, and Bradley, who lives in another state, came as a surprise. Frank was there and pretended to be nice. But afterward, Frank has refused to speak to Bradley, despite Bradley’s many attempts to reach out.

This is hurting both boys – and me!

I’m getting older and am not in the best of health. What terrifies me is the idea that they won’t be on speaking terms if something were to happen to me. Do you have any advice? – Hoping and Praying

Dear Hoping and Praying: Of course it is hurting you. Having your children who you love so much not show each other love is so painful. Remember, they do love each other, but they simply suppressed those feelings because of Frank’s anger toward Bradley. The fact that Bradley has been diagnosed as bipolar and that he is better with treatment is something that should be explained to Frank, and he should offer forgiveness to his oldest brother.

Remind Frank of how much fun they had when they were young, and how important Bradley was to him when they were growing up. Keep encouraging Frank to let go of his stubbornness. It might also help if Bradley were to write a sincere letter of apology to Frank’s girlfriend, explaining that it was caused by his medical condition, and tell her of his treatment and the steps he is taking to stay on an even keel emotionally.

Maybe the holiday spirit will help soften some of the old grudges that your sons are carrying.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.