Miss Manners 3/17

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one deal with false modesty?

I found myself caught flat-footed when chatting with a textile artist. I joked that he could be the one to help me with my blanket stitch, and he responded that his handwork wasn’t very good.

Fine. I’d been mostly kidding anyway. But then he went on to give a rather extended account of his resume – from college professor in a textile department to heading a very important craft council, teaching handwork all the way.

I found myself complimenting him, over and again, which he surely sought. At the same time, I was a bit miffed he’d been so disingenuous at the start and left me to fawn over his accomplishments, which he’d claimed not to have in the first place. My request for help with a simple stitch and his saying he didn’t have the required talent were becoming more inane each passing minute, until I was left feeling foolish, not to mention speechless.

Similarly, my husband, a scratch golfer, will only say he “plays a little golf.” I suppose that is better than claiming he can clean everyone’s clock, but I find it grating nonetheless.

Therefore, I must ask: What’s the best way to respond to an accomplished person who claims they aren’t?

GENTLE READER: Is it possible that being experts has made them genuinely modest – because they know how much else there is to know, or because they know greater experts?

Nah, they’re probably just fishing.

Even so, Miss Manners prefers that to blatant bragging, which is now so common, and can be broadcast throughout the world online. So she would just play along and supply the compliment. It is an easy way to make someone happy.

But if you must protest, you can say, “Now you’ve embarrassed me. You’re obviously an expert in the field, and yet you let me make a fool of myself because I didn’t know that.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are the manners dictated for when or if someone should be corrected for a mistake in public?

GENTLE READER: Presumably you are not talking about classrooms, courtrooms or other venues where strict truth is pursued. Elsewhere, the answer is never.

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.