Dear Annie 3/16

Dear readers: The issue of dealing with a narcissist in the family struck a chord and prompted a number of letters offering insights and advice. Most were pretty disheartening because narcissists rarely change. Here are two interesting ones:

Dear Annie: This is a message to the sister in distress because of the abusive behavior of her sister-in-law. I speak as a registered nurse who has encountered similar situations.

Certainly, the difficult sister-in-law has trust and control issues, and she is manipulative. Many traits you described are clinically characteristic of a narcissistic personality disorder. Therapy is seldom successful in long-term change.

The key is the brother. He is the one who needs help and support. The reason is that long-term suppression of himself can lead to depression. This can even result in explosive anger – from repressed feelings and emasculating treatment by his wife over time. There are many red flags in this abusive home. – Serious Situation

Dear Serious: Thank you for your insights and suggestions. Let’s hope the brother can find help and courage from therapy.

Dear Annie: You missed an opportunity to teach about narcissism. This gal is asking how they can all figure out how to maneuver through this woman’s behavior.

In addition to all the pain that family members have to absorb because of the narcissist, they are all still trying to save the brother but allow the rest of the family to also take this punishment forever.

I have lived with narcissism in the family and two businesses, and it continues over a few future generations. We have tried many psychologists over a period of many years, but there is never any help for those who are in the narcissist’s lives.

The brother should divorce his narcissistic wife. I am old now, and I understand that the best opportunity to free oneself from the pain of a narcissistic spouse is to divorce them. It is never easy, but it can save his life. – Old and Been There

Dear Old and Been There: I hope there is a better solution for the brother and his wife, but thank you for offering your suggestion.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.