Dear Annie 12/20

Dear Annie: I have been married for almost 24 years and have known my husband since high school. Throughout our early 20s, we would break up every once in a while, but it would be a short period of time and then we would be back together.

We pretty much were together most of the time until we decided to get married. We never really talked about our past relationships but have been having some deep conversations lately.

I knew he dated other women, and he knew I dated other guys. When I dated the other guys, I never got to the point of having sex with them. I recently found out my husband had sex with other women before we were married. I am crushed.

I know this is from a long time ago, but it makes me feel sick to my stomach thinking about him having sex with other women before we were married. He has been the only guy I have ever had sex with. All this time, I thought our relationship together was special because I thought I was his only one.

I feel different about him now that I know this. If I would have known he was having sex with other women back then, I might not have kept going back to him. I guess I was naive.

I did tell him how I feel. I know this was from a long time – so long – ago, and I can’t change the past, so I am wondering if I am overreacting. Should I talk more to him about how I am feeling? Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. – Unknowingly Naive

Dear Unknowingly: If you deemed your relationship with your husband special purely because you thought you were each other’s only sexual partners, your bond isn’t as strong or unique as you think.

There are plenty of other factors in a successful marriage that are far more important than who your husband slept with in his early 20s – when you two were not together.

To make it another 24 years, you can’t look toward the past. Everyone has a history, and this is your husband’s. Forget the baggage; you can’t change it. What’s important is that you are the one he chose then and continues to choose now.

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