Miss Manners 12/6
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are in our mid-30s. My husband has a twin sister who is married with two children. We haven’t seen them in some time due to the pandemic, but they called and asked us to come help them redo their bathroom this weekend.
They said they were no longer worried about the pandemic, as we live in a very remote area and all self-quarantine. They then gave us a list of gifts that their children would like for Christmas.
When we asked about their plans for Christmas, and offered to either host or go to them, they said they probably would not feel comfortable getting together due to the pandemic. They said we could drop off the gifts Christmas morning and wave.
Now we are feeling a bit used, as we are going to spend 8 hours doing their bathroom in close contact. I want to keep the gifts here until they actually want to see us, but my husband thinks we should just send the gifts and get it over with. Thoughts?
GENTLE READER: That you and your husband should not feel comfortable renovating his sister’s bathroom because of the pandemic. Or, for that matter, doing the shopping for people who do not care to see you socially.
No, wait. This is your husband’s twin, and it’s the Christmas season. Miss Manners should be a bit more charitable.She suggests you wish them a Merry Christmas and say you will postpone the present exchanges until they feel safe. Whether you will feel bound to use the gift list – or fix the bathroom – depends on just how charitable you can manage to feel.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have some former neighbors we became friends with before we both moved away. In the past, it was always nice catching up with them through their annual Christmas letter: hearing about their travels and finding out how their children were doing as adults.
A few years ago, they started putting in a paragraph about politics, which I find inappropriate. Also, their political views are polar opposites from ours, but it never seemed to affect our relationship as neighbors.
I just don’t think a Christmas newsletter is the place to push a political agenda.
It has gotten to the point where we stopped sending them a card at Christmas, but theirs keep coming anyway. Is there a polite way to address the issue? Or is not sending them a card the best way?
GENTLE READER: What is the issue? That you find their Christmas letter offensive? You don’t have to read it, and sooner or later they will stop. Christmas letter-senders always keep a double checklist, and two or three unresponsive years should do it. But perhaps you would like to keep the tie?
In that case, Miss Manners suggests waiting a while and writing them a letter or an email that is not associated with a holiday but simply provides your family’s news and asks for an update on theirs.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.