Dr. Zorba Paster: Keep connected during pandemic to boost your resiliency

I’ve been thinking a lot about resiliency. Perhaps you have, too.

Webster’s dictionary – yes, I still have it in book form, although I love the web version much better – says resiliency is “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness,” with the next definition being, “the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.”

This time of pandemic , this time of fear that you or a loved one might become infected, is a troubling time. How do we cope?

Where does resiliency come from? Is it inherited or learned? Can you make a difference in how you feel, to move on with life by having a positive attitude without being Pollyanna-ish about it?

There is not a simple answer to this. And, frankly, it’s a very important question at a very important time.

I’ve noticed something that worries me. When I go on my weekly grocery shopping or out to get the Sunday newspaper, I find that people are not looking at me and smiling like they used to. Now, obviously, if we’re wearing a mask, we can’t see a smile. But there is something more to this.

Because of what’s happening in the world, we are by necessity looking to distance ourselves. And that is often not the usual “Wisconsin nice” way of catching the other person’s eye and smiling.

A number of years ago, I had a new nurse start in our office. I work in Oregon, Wisconsin, a town that had no stop lights for the first decade we moved there, and you could call anyone in town by dialing just five digits.

It’s cozy, small, friendly – exactly what my wife, Penelope, and I liked, and a great place to live and raise kids. Still is.

Well, this new nurse had lived and worked in Chicago, the city where I grew up. A few weeks after she started working in our small town, I asked her how she liked it.

I knew she liked the job; she was great at it. She commented that being there took a bit of getting used to because when she took her noon walk around town, people smiled, caught her eye, looked at her and said hello.

In Chicago when someone would do that, you would shrink back wondering why they were doing that. But in Wisconsin, certainly where I live, it’s just being friendly.

Now with social distancing, we need to make an effort to be sure we still have that community connection, that even though we’re 6 feet apart, we can still smile. So I’ve gotten into the habit of being more conscious of saying, “Hi, how are ya’ doing today?”

The result? People smile under their mask. You can see it. And when I check out at the grocery store, I look the “checker” in the eye and ask them how they’re doing. I engage them in a conversation, which nearly always makes them smile. Clearly a win-win situation.

I’m telling this because it’s a major part of resilience. Social connectedness, anywhere you can find it, helps us get through these days with a more positive mental attitude. It’s one step in the resiliency quotient.

I have looked at some resiliency research – there’s a panoply out there. It talks about making connections, seeing problems as not insurmountable (although, in fact, some are), accepting change as part of living, moving toward your goals, etc.

And I have read that since the COVID-19 pandemic, sales of self-help books have skyrocketed. I’m not shocked about that. It makes sense.

But the bottom line is where to start? For those who are in that state, I think starting in whatever way you can with others is where it happens – by phone, by Zoom, in person with a smile under that mask, with a thank you for someone who might deliver something to your door.

Lately, I have been very interested in change – how to make it, where to go. I have been impressed with the idea that small changes make a big impact.

Saying you’re going to lose 50 pounds if you need to is awesome, but what about 5 pounds over the next month or two? If you do that, if you see progress, it helps to spur you on.

My spin: The same is true about social connectedness. The small steps you take today will undoubtedly reap big rewards tomorrow for you and others.

When you’re done reading this call, Zoom or FaceTime someone you love or haven’t seen for years and years.

I did this the other day – when I called an old roommate from my medical school days in Chicago – someone I hadn’t talked to for 40 years. Through a great app called White Pages, I found her phone number, dialed it and had a 2-hour conversation that made both of us smile and smile and smile. This was just as important to my well-being as hitting the elliptical. It’s resiliency work. Stay safe and stay well.

Dr. Zorba Paster is a family physician and host of the public radio program “Zorba Paster on Your Health.” He can be reached at askzorba@doctorzorba.com.