Sue Lani Madsen: A Christmas Love Story

This week Christians celebrate the birth of a child born to die too soon. The Christmas story has resonated in new ways for Nathan and Torri Mielke after the death of their son last year.

The first diagnosis came in December 2018, a cyst on his neck, and they hoped it would resolve quickly. Torri later wrote, “It was the first time in my life I had ever prayed so hard for anything.”

The cyst disappeared before the next appointment, but follow-up testing revealed multiple problems. Cleft palate. Six fingers on each hand. Dilated kidney and an enlarged bladder. The doctor suspected there would be additional abnormalities in internal organs, but it was too soon to tell at 12 weeks into pregnancy. Just before Christmas 2018 the news came back confirming the doctor’s suspicion, a diagnosis of trisomy 13.

Despite warnings not to consult Dr. Google, they did. There were sterile descriptions of extreme intellectual and physical disability. They should expect a miscarriage or a stillbirth.

They found out the baby was a boy and named him after the persistent Martin Luther, a nod to Torri’s Lutheran roots. Luther Andrew Mielke stubbornly continued to develop. A fatal heart condition was diagnosed.

There was no answer to why. Their pastor advised them to live their testimony.

“That’s a very hard message when put into practice. It sounds nice. ‘Live your testimony.’ But what does that mean?” Nathan said. “I think back to week 12 when we were given the original diagnosis and how one of the medical doctors said ‘if you choose to continue’ and Torri and I were aghast at the notion.

“The easy choice would have been to end Luther’s life early. But if society doesn’t value the life of the unborn, then how does society value life at all? And what does our faith really mean? Is God’s salvation only for the ‘healthy?’ Does God only care about babies willingly conceived and predicted to be in good health?”

They prayed for more time.

“God answered,” Nathan said. “We made 20 weeks and the doctors were amazed, but said we should prepare for a premature stillbirth. We told the doctors God has gotten us this far and we still put our faith in Him. The medical staff knew we were praying for a live birth and saw we truly did put our faith in God for small miracles.”

Luther was born on June 23, 2019, weighing a healthy 7 pounds, 8 ounces. All of his conditions were exactly as diagnosed prenatally. To his parents, he was beautiful. He breathed the fresh air in the healing garden at the hospital. He was baptized in his mother’s childhood country church and went home to the family farm near Davenport. His parents prepared with hospice for the coming days or weeks, counting whatever time they would have as a blessing.

He died on the morning of June 25, secure in his father’s arms. “God had answered another prayer,” Torri wrote. “I wanted Luther to be in the arms of Nathan. I brought Luther into this world, and I wanted Nathan to be the one to hold Luther as he passed into the arms of Jesus.”

Nathan said the healing process has been hard. After spending every two weeks for seven months watching his son’s growth on the ultrasound images, learning to live without Luther was almost too much of a challenge.

“Soon after Luther died my wife said something to me. She said, ‘There is a harder way to do this,’ and I almost laughed. We had just lost our son. We were making burial plans. I responded, ‘How can this be harder?’ She said, ‘Try going through this without Christ.’ ”

Terminating Luther’s life before birth would have robbed his family of three days of joy. “I treasure the photographs, I remember his breathing,” Nathan said. “He responded like any newborn. He was beautiful, defying all the odds of the medical profession. There was peace in spending time with my son and being able to bring him home to the farm.”

At this darkest week in the Northern Hemisphere, facing grief can be overwhelming. Tragedy hits acutely. Feelings of fear, sorrow and anger are real, but Nathan emphasized there is also peace and joy in discovering one’s utter reliance on God.

“God knows intimately what His creation struggles with – it was a mind-blowing realization,” Nathan said. “Every day I thank God for life THIS day. I’m not promised tomorrow.”

May the peace of Christ be with you as well. Merry Christmas.

Contact Sue Lani Madsen at rulingpen@gmail.com.