Miss Manners: To unwrap or not to unwrap

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been given a lovely cut-glass butter dish. It is the type that holds one stick of real butter. It is an elegant piece, and I would like to use it every day, but I am somewhat at a loss of how to use it properly. I buy my butter in wrapped sticks, so should I unwrap the butter before putting it on the butter dish? Should I leave the butter wrapped, but the wrap loosened? What is proper?

GENTLE READER: Although proper etiquette has no objection to practicality or efficiency, they are not, as Miss Manners often has to point out, etiquette’s primary concern. It is, however, pleasant when they find themselves all rowing in the same general direction.

Etiquette removes the wrapper prior to putting the butter in your dish because it is more formal. Efficiency points out that this is easier on the guests. And practicality observes that guests who have to juggle both cut-glass dishes and wrappers, which tend to stick to the butter, are more likely to have an accident, shortening the life of the wrapper, the butter and the cut-glass dish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to stare at someone to read what his or her shirt says?

GENTLE READER: It is – more so for a her – which will frustrate the pedants who then ask why one would write something that cannot be read. Miss Manners answers that there is a difference between reading and staring, a point that is obvious to anyone who has been on the receiving end of the latter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Months ago, my brother and his wife invited us to attend a comedy show, and dinner beforehand, in the town where they live (about two hours away). They suggested we ask my parents to babysit for our children, which we often do, and my parents were happy to do so.

Unfortunately, something has come up and my parents can no longer babysit. My brother does not have kids, so we asked him if any of his local friends with kids could recommend a sitter.

He said he’d put a post on social media asking people in his town for recommendations. I asked him not to do this, as we weren’t comfortable having a complete stranger alone with our kids. Since at this point we are likely going to be asking friends to watch the kids, we are probably going to have to skip dinner.

My mother has told me that they complained to her about our not wanting to see what came from their social media post. Is it rude to back out of our plans, or part of them, because our babysitting plans fell through and we haven’t been able to get new ones we are comfortable with?

GENTLE READER: Lack of adequate babysitting is a legitimate reason for canceling plans, so long as it does not become habitual and a genuine effort was made to find a replacement sitter – greater effort being required for more formal events.

Miss Manners realizes this will be disappointing to your brother and his wife. She would have consoled them by giving them leave to think that your parental concern is overly fussy – if only they had kept those thoughts to themselves.