Paul Turner: What do the party poopers do on Hoopfest weekend?

I can’t tell you exactly how many there are.

But I’ve encountered a few of them over the years. So I know they’re out there.

Spokane residents who don’t go anywhere near Bloomsday, Hoopfest, ArtFest, SpokeFest, Pig Out or any of this city’s other big annual events.

So do we need to have some sort of special gathering just for these abstainers? “No, Thanks-fest”? Perhaps not. That might be missing the point of their decision to opt out.

But it makes me wonder. What do those who steer clear of Spokane’s signature events have in common?

I have a few theories.

Some are obvious, I suppose. You know, they don’t like crowds, prefer to do their sweating in private, aren’t into competitive parking, et cetera. But surely there’s more to it than a simple lack of herd instinct.

Yes, there are those around here who view downtown with a certain antipathy. And some locals simply aren’t joiners, to an almost militant degree.

You might have heard of the rugged individualist or quiet loner. These are celebrated Western archetypes, or used to be anyway.

In addition, some of your friends and neighbors just don’t like being around armies of others wearing ball caps backward.

But I think the real reason at least a few people in our midst give Spokane’s big outdoor assemblies a wide berth is they simply have other interests.

That’s different than, say, disdaining Spokane or being a curmudgeon who bristles at the first hint of groupthink zealotry.

Some people would just rather go fishing or watch a movie. Or play golf or go for a hike with their dog.

Does that make them strange to you? So be it.

Spokane has long wrestled with the ups and downs of assumed universality of interest. We all know, on some level, that not everyone is into the exact same pastimes and recreational pursuits. Despite the rumors, we are not some lockstep Hooterville. Yet there remains a tendency to arch an eyebrow at signs of apathy about the big occasions on our community calendar.

At least that’s the way it seems.

The thing is, participation in one or more of our city’s marquee gatherings – even if it’s as a spectator – can help shape an individual’s social identity. It can inform your own Spokanehood, if you will.

And it must be said that the big events can be a lot of fun.

That’s not the only approach, of course. There are lots of ways to connect with the sometimes confounding spirit of Spokane.

Don’t dig mass festivals? That’s OK. Different strokes.

Spokane isn’t one size fits all. Still, there’s room enough for all of us.

Reader feedback

Last Sunday, I briefly alluded to the social aspect of boating. That prompted Jim Wavada to write.

“I think I have finally come to understand that I go on the water to get away from friends and family, not to bond with them in some aluminum or fiberglass floating holding cell.”

And my appreciation of dodgeball in Tuesday’s column was met with both knowing nods of approval and robust aspersions on my character.

Head out on the highway

Did you see that story about the average age of cars on the road rising in recent years?

I’m happy to have contributed in some small way to that trend. Our two cars are from the model years 1987 and 2001. We have no plans to turn our backs on them.

I wonder if that might make me an honorary Montanan.

You see, the story noted that Montana is the state with the oldest vehicles still on the road. Vermont has the newest.

I have long admired Montana and Montanans. I wouldn’t mind being one myself.

There are lots of things I like about Montanans.

I like how, when someone in Spokane starts whining about winter weather, they sometimes get this weary look on their face but usually refrain from saying “This is nothing.”

I like how blue jeans just seem to look better on them.

I like how a lot of them don’t even blink about the prospect of driving 500 miles.

I like how some of them freely acknowledge Custer had it coming.

I like the University of Montana’s mascot.

I like the non-constipated way they laugh.

I like how many willingly own up to the fact certain Montanans are nuts.

I like “Big Sky State.”

I like how they know the difference between ravens and crows.

I like how they share Glacier National Park with the rest of us – including Canadians.

I like how they are loyal to their friends.

I like how they don’t spend all their time talking about Seattle.

I think “Hellgate” is one of America’s snappiest place names.

I like how warp drive technology will be invented there.

I like how the Montanans I’ve known aren’t freaked out by a standard transmission.

I like how they realize newer isn’t always better.

Columnist Paul Turner can be reached at srpaulturner@gmail.com.