Local therapists advise navigating politics during the holidays

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi delivered on her promise that the House would vote on impeachment by Christmas.

What awaits is a Senate trial and a split nation. To prevent this division from manifesting at the holiday table, therapists with the Center for Solace suggest setting boundaries to prevent disagreements from erupting.

“What can people do, you know?” said Becky Rudd, clinical director and CEO. “You’ve got the holidays coming up with Christmas and New Year’s Eve party, I’m going to have family over for both, and I’m sure politics is going to come up. How can people set boundaries so that doesn’t become the focus or upset other people? So I think everybody always tries to figure out what they can do to minimize that drama.”

Due to confidentiality, the therapists can’t speak specifically about patients, but Liz Paasch-Catalano said many can have a general feeling of existential dread.

“Feeling like, what does all this mean?” Paasch-Catalano said. “The world is this way. How do I fit into that? How can I make an impact?”

Therapist Megan Wedel said she speaks with clients about radical acceptance.

“That, in this moment, in this space and time, we can’t change anything,” Wedel said. “We can’t change, but we can always work towards positive change, so how can we keep ourselves in an OK space by practicing that acceptance piece, but then also, whatever we need to do to implement that change.”

The bright side is there are practical suggestions to navigate rough waters at family gatherings.

Plan ahead

Therapist Hilary Harris said it’s important to have a plan before the gathering begins.

“I think identifying for yourself what situations or what triggers are going to bring up some of those difficulties, and preplanning,” Harris said. “What can I do if those things come up? How do I get out of that situation or cope with that situation?”

Keneesha Lloyd said it can be helpful to set intentions.

“I like to ask, ‘What are you hoping to get out of this time?’ ” said Lloyd, a therapist. “That can help inform when things aren’t going that way, then that’s when it’s time to change things up.”

Rudd said it’s important for expectations to be realistic.

“Sometimes it’s like, you know, I just want to get through the day without yelling,” Rudd said. “It’s not like I want to rekindle this relationship with my father, but just setting some expectations that are really appropriate and allowing yourself the freedom to not feel obligated to anything.”

Paasch-Catalano said it can also be a good idea to avoid overindulging.

“That can be a common thing that people partake in it family events,” Paasch-Catalano said.

She also suggested scheduling other activities so you aren’t obligated to spend all of your time with one group.

“That piece of giving yourself permission to rest, I think, is huge,” Wedel said. “I think that I talk a lot about that with clients. And then I also realize to be mindful of that for myself, personally.”

Set boundaries early

Rudd said if you’re a guest in someone’s home, and someone starts talking about politics in a way that sets a tone, you need to be firm and clear with your boundaries.

“You know, politics, especially in this day and age, don’t typically unite people,” Rudd said. “So let’s just not talk about it tonight.”

Rudd said she thinks everyone wants to have a good time, and if you aren’t having a good time, you should speak up.

“I think everybody would want you to be able to look back to that and say ‘That was a great family meeting,’ instead of you just deciding I’m never going to go back again,” Rudd said. “Setting boundaries is not only good for you, but also good for relationships.”

Reminding your loved ones of your bond can be a good idea as well, Lloyd said.

“You can even say ‘I really don’t want to talk about that because you matter a whole lot to me and this time matters a whole lot to me,’ ” Lloyd said. “ ‘So let’s talk about such and such instead, or let’s make something or play a game.’ ”

“It would be hard for someone to say something negative about that,” Rudd added.

She acknowledged setting these boundaries can be uncomfortable initially.

“As uncomfortable as it is, it is one of those better-off-in-the-long-run (situations), always,” Rudd said. “The sooner in the day or the event you can set those boundaries, whether you’re a host or a guest, the better off you’ll be.”

Plan activities

Planning holiday activities – sledding, making cookies, a gift exchange – can be a good way to distract from politics, Harris said.

“If you’re planning on saying, ‘Let’s not talk about politics,’ maybe have some other things so that you’re not just sitting there awkwardly staring at each other,” Harris said. “Like favorite holiday memories, plans for the New Year, things like that.”

Harris also offers a simple tip: Don’t play the news in the background.

For those hosting the holiday gatherings, Rudd said you can turn politics avoidance into a game with a twist on a popular baby shower game. Put clothespins on clothing, and if anyone starts talking about politics, they lose a clothespin to whoever calls them out. The family member with the most clothespins at the end of the game wins.

“It’s a fun way of setting the tone of like, ‘Hey, we’re not going to talk about politics,’ ” Rudd said. “And if you do, you’re going to lose the sticker or pin. It’s a nice way or gentle way of setting a good boundary.”