Dear Annie: Boyfriend has something to hide

Dear Annie: I have a question and hope your advice will make me see the light. I have been dating and living with my boyfriend off and on for 12 years. We currently are living together. I have left a couple of times throughout the course of the 12 years because he was on dating sites and I found out. We just recently got back together, and he told me that he’s no longer on dating sites because they aren’t free. I found on his phone that he has an account on one site, but it is private.

Also, he tells me that though he loves me, he does not want to get married – that he likes our living arrangement the way it is. But I swear he hides things. He does crazy things, and he gets defensive when I question him. He hides his phone sometimes and will go on his phone after I go to bed. I honestly don’t know what to think or do. He does come home from work every night, but I work Monday through Friday, and he has a day off during the week. Every week on this day, he turns his phone off all day. When I text, he doesn’t text back. Whenever I ask what he did that day, he says nothing, but he goes out to lunch all dressed up like a single man.

One day when I came home, it looked as if a woman had been in the house. A picture of us together had been moved. I asked him why it had been moved, and he said he had been looking at it. It looked like a heavy frame. Also, our bedroom clock is always turned sideways. I need advice. – Confused in Texas

Dear Confused: I can’t say for certain that he’s been unfaithful, but it does seem as though he’s hiding something. And if he’s cheated on you before, your intuition is most likely highly attuned to the warning signs. So listen to that little voice inside your head. Don’t let fear of change drown it out. I know it’s hard to leave someone after so long, but staying would be so much harder on you in the long term. Tigers’ stripes, leopards’ spots, cheaters’ ways – some things never change.