Paul Turner: This Halloween heed the advice of third-graders and forget the toothbrushes and dole out lots of candy

There is a certain group of Americans who sometimes do their best to mess up our ability to enjoy Halloween.

They are called adults.

So who should we turn to for suggestions on how to fix the beleaguered occasion?

Third-graders, that’s who.

Specifically, the third-graders at Spokane’s Westview Elementary School who have Tiffiny Santos for their teacher.

They were asked what advice they would give grown-ups about Halloween.

Let’s start with a student named Chloe.

She offered this counsel: Don’t give trick-or-treaters toothbrushes or pencils.

(She allowed an exception for dentists on the toothbrush ban.)

Chloe also provided a list of approved costumes: Witch, unicorn, zombie, DJ, Albert Einstein, and a taco.

On her list of costume themes to avoid: Yourself, your friend, a pumpkin, and a fish.

Well, I had been thinking of dressing up as a fish but I guess there’s still time shift over to going as a taco. Thanks, Chloe.

A third-grader named Jordan added trail mix to the list of things not to hand out to kids who arrive on your porch.

A child named Milani would also nix giving out Play-Doh and apples.

Then there was this from Amillya.

“My best advice to grown-ups about Halloween is: I love to have Halloween partys because you could eat some Halloween pie. You get to have Halloween cake. You get to jump in leaves.”

We didn’t have Halloween cake back in my day. But I’d be willing to try a piece.

Her classmate Sebastian’s advice was short and sweet. “For Halloween we need to give out tootsie rols.”

Hunter recommended hosting a Halloween party featuring lots of presents. Presents suitable for third-graders, I assume.

A classmate named Ryker offered this: “My best advice to grown-ups about Halloween is don’t give out jawbreakaers. It will hurt their teeth really bad.”

Noted.

Young Stella spelled it out for us.

The key? “Decorashons.”

She went on. “You always want to have something scary so kids will want to trik or treat. If you have bushes put spiter web with fake spiter on the bush. Try to have a gost or zumbe in your yarrd to make it scary. You shood always have Halloween musice playing and shood have a fog misheen so it can be scary.”

Taylynn had her own perspective.

“My best advice to grown-ups is don’t put bad stuf in the candy and don’t give out toothbrushis.”

Man, these kids must have gotten a lot of oral hygiene supplies last year.

A child named Roman shared his somewhat stream-of-consciousness counsel.

“I think adults should give cheldren candys, some fruits, king candys and healthy stuff too. And I have good costums, Star Wars, scary costums and robots. Ninjas too. And animals but only for babys costums. I think adults should not give kids bad stuff like candys that kids can chock on like jolly ranchers and old candys.”

We make it a policy at my house to never give out old candy. Fortunately that’s pretty doable as none of it stays around very long.

Giada suggested having a Halloween costume party. “You can have any activitys you want.”

Personally, I like a lively game of pin the tail on the superhero.

Young Hailey noted that while quality is all well and good, sometimes quantity speaks the loudest on Oct. 31.

“Don’t give 1 peace of candy give about 3 or 5.”

In your heart, you know it’s the right thing to do.

A kid named Lillian offered her advice in the form of a tutorial on carving a jack-o’-lantern.

“First gite a pumpkin and cut the lid and guts.”

You can probably take it from there.

Our next Halloween consultant is named Samantha. “My best advice to grown-ups about Halloween is never give out toothbrushes or apples.”

And one more thing. “Your decorations shood by sceary but not to sceary.”

Admittedly, it can be a fine line.

Young McKenzie stressed that you should have decorations hanging from a tree in your yard.

Lola said parents should observe the occasion by pranking their kids. Her word.

Classmate Olivia wrote, “Never get your kids to shoger loaded because they will go crazy they will bounce off the walls.”

Trust her, she said. She’s been there, back when she was little.

A student named Ronan said adults should feel free to go trick-or-treating, if they want. “Other people might think I am wrong but in my opion I think you can be any age you want.”

I like that kid.

Xander said a proper jack-o’-lantern should have a tooth missing.

Scerret stressed not forgetting to get your kids costumes.

And a student named Easton had perhaps my favorite tip of all.

“My best advice to grown ups about Halloween is be a good sport.”