Dear Annie: A solution for a lack of gratitude

Dear Annie: Over the years, my son, his wife and our granddaughter have been the recipients of many gifts from my wife and me. Unfortunately, other than the holidays when we are in the same room with them as they receive gifts, we never receive any recognition that they have received the items or any thank-yous for the gifts.

These gifts are given because we are thinking of them. It is frustrating and so disappointing to us and lessens our desire to keep giving. I believe I should express these feelings with my son. My conclusion is that in raising my son, I must have neglected to properly convey proper etiquette and respectful actions to him. My wife believes we should just not say anything. How do we proceed? – Sad in Wisconsin

Dear Sad: It’s wrong not to send a thank-you for a gift, plain and simple. If your son had written to me, that’s what I’d tell him. But because it’s you who’s written to me, I’ll outline your three apparent options: 1) Keep sending gifts, and make peace with the lack of thank-yous. 2) Continue sending gifts and resenting the lack of thank-yous. 3) Stop sending gifts.

It sounds as if the first option isn’t going to work for you. The second option would most likely lead to a buildup of resentment that would eventually create a wall between you and your son. So that leaves the third option. I don’t see anything wrong with stopping. If they haven’t been bothering to express gratitude for their gifts, then they ought not miss them much. And if your son asks you why the presents stopped, just be honest. Tell him you figured he and his family didn’t care much for them, as you never heard back from them about any.