The Slice: A different sort of crowd management

Spokane entertainment promoters are among the most indomitable people you will find.

Just think about what those presenting concerts or plays are up against. Here, I’ll show you a partial list of the challenges they face in trying to attract a paying audience to their events.

1. The Spokane Homebody: This guy just wants to come home from work, have dinner and maybe watch TV. The idea of going out to see a show prompts him to stare at the person proposing this and ask, “What color is the sky in your world?”

2. The Parking Averse: I don’t think anybody keeps statistics on this. And I’m not sure how you would quantify it, in any event. But Spokane has to be among the national leaders when it comes to the percentage of the population who view virtually any suggestion to leave the good home as an invitation to a parking hassle.

3. At the Lake: OK, this is a seasonal challenge. But for some warm-weather Spokane denizens, the prospect of putting on pants and coming back to town to attend a public performance is about as appealing as swimmer’s itch.

4. Cheapskates: It might not have escaped your notice that more than a few locals develop acute arthritis when it comes to reaching for their wallets. That’s not a knock. It’s just the way things are. But it does translate as a significant segment of the potential audience for a show ruling that the tickets are “a bit spendy.”

5. People Who Leave Home Only to See Garth Brooks: This should not be confused with having friends in low places.

6. Mr. “Is it Bloomsday?”: If it’s not, he’s not going. Unless his kid is in it.

7. Inland Northwestesque Excuses: “I’m pretty sure we are going to be camping that weekend.”

8. Spokane Perception of Property Crime: “If I leave home, there’s a good chance my place will be burglarized. I think some guy on a bicycle has been checking out our house.”

9. Memories of the Last Time You Got a Babysitter: The less said about that, the better.

10. Fest Infestation: This might not be unique to Spokane, but there are certainly people in our midst who believe they have seen it all before.

And yet we still have concerts and plays here. Well done, promoters. Well done, Spokane.

Today’s Slice question: Ever buy a bottle of wine strictly because you liked the label?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. I’ve misplaced my Davy Crockett cap.