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The Slice: Filing a different kind of weekend report
People are only trying to be friendly when they ask.
So all you really need to do when reporting on your weekend is say “Fine, yours?”
But what if you are not satisfied with Monday morning small talk of that kind? What if you want to say something different for a change?
Well, here are half a dozen options. Feel free to pick and choose.
1. “I’ve decided to start dating again, though my wife doesn’t think it’s a good idea.” 2. “I spent the weekend meditating and watching sports on TV.” 3. “I became a gardening nudist.”
4. “I decided to dedicate my life to learning to play the oboe.” 5. “I achieved a higher level of consciousness.” 6. “I figured out the answer to all of Spokane’s problems. Want to hear it?”
Slice answer: “If Mark Few saw me play at Hoopfest, he wouldn’t need to inquire regarding my NCAA status,” wrote Rick Hosmer. “It would be obvious – NCAA meaning No Chance At All.”
Warm-up question: What would happen if some kids tried operating a 24-hour lemonade stand in your neighborhood?
Today’s Slice question: Today is the birthday of the late Mad magazine cartoonist Dave Berg, creator of the long-running “The Lighter Side of …” series.
So, if Berg were alive today and decided to tackle a Spokane theme, which of the following would you want to see him send up?
A) The Lighter Side of Marmots. B) The Lighter Side of Hoopfest. C) The Lighter Side of Going to the Lake. D) The Lighter Side of Uncontrolled Intersections. E) The Lighter Side of Bloomsday. F) The Lighter Side of ArtFest. G) The Lighter Side of Yard Sales. H) The Lighter Side of Restoring Vintage Automobiles. I) The Lighter Side of Tattoos. J) The Lighter Side of Huckleberry’s Fresh Market. K) The Lighter Side of Trader Joe’s. L) The Lighter Side of the No. 43 Bus. M) The Lighter Side of The Inlander. N) The Lighter Side of Spokane TV News. O) The Lighter Side of Visit Spokane. P) The Lighter Side of the North Side vs. the South Hill. Q) The Lighter Side of Matt Shea. R) The Lighter Side of Spokane Valley. S) The Lighter Side of Zags Fans. T) The Lighter Side of Seattle Bashing. U) The Lighter Side of Fly Fishing. V) The Lighter Side of Bears. W) The Lighter Side of Marijuana. X) The Lighter Side of White People. Y) The Lighter Side of the Idaho Relatives. Z) Other.
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. I’m not crying. It’s allergies.