Doug Clark: From boat cars to car desks, Spokane’s Tim Lorentz keeps turning heads

My pal Tim Lorentz has already given so much for the betterment of Spokane.

The beloved boat car he christened LaBoata. The vintage speedboat he hollowed and then affixed permanently to one side of the swimming pool in his South Hill backyard – LaFloata.

Now comes yet another mixed mechanized metaphor from this auto artist’s imaginative mind.

LaDeska.

For reasons best left to a future generation of psychiatrists, Lorentz lopped off the imposing front end of a 1969 Lincoln Mark III Continental.

He covered its original muddy maroon with flat white spray-paint. Then he carefully fitted the auto’s shell around his office desk inside the Newtech Skill Center on North Regal Street.

“You know my wife,” said the ever-chipper Lorentz. “She’s just happy it’s not at home.”

Like a Wise Man in the Christmas Story, I was drawn Wednesday morning to Lorentz’s office to gaze admiringly at his newborn décar, I mean, décor.

Parking lights that really glow. That stately V-shaped grill. A hood, broad enough to roller skate on.

This is a desk fit for a monarch. Or at least the president of a gangster rap label.

The acre of Detroit steel brought to mind how enormous automobiles were back in the days when gas was 35 cents a gallon.

“It’s a boat,” added Lorentz, keeping to his auto-nautical theme.

Lorentz, 61, is the special needs coordinator and liaison at Newtech. I also consider him one of Spokane’s true good guys.

His offbeat contraptions have brought grins and giggles to the community.

And soon you can come see for yourself.

Mark the noon hour June 16. Lorentz has agreed to give rides in his famed LaBoata as part of the 15th annual Street Music Week festivities.

He’ll be down where I am, near Starbucks on Main Avenue across from Pottery Barn.

The rides aren’t free, mind you. It’ll take a $100 donation to Second Harvest food bank to experience the thrill I experienced back in 2009, when I cruised around with Lorentz and then broke the story of LaBoata.

(Pause now to sing to the “Gilligan’s Island” theme.)

“Just kick right back and I’ll spin a tale,

“A tale of demented men.

“Who drove a land yacht through Spokane,

“Stirring up mayhem

For you newcomers, LaBoata consists of the hull of a cream-colored 1976 Apollo tri-hull that Lorentz carefully fitted over a 1994 Chrysler LeBaron convertible.

The effect is a near-perfect illusion. People gawk and wave at the sight of this mutant speedboat rolling down Lilac City streets.

But LaBoata wasn’t on my mind when I called Lorentz the other day.

Oh, no. I called to tell him the great news. The aforementioned LaFloata-adorned swimming pool had caught the fancy of Pool & Spa News.

This revelation came in the following email from Nate Traylor, a young man I encountered years ago:

“Hi Doug. A long time ago you did a column about school cafeteria food. I was in second grade when you quoted my review of the school-issued cheese sticks.

“I recall saying they were disgusting. … You interviewing me must have left an impression because I’m now a journalist (Thanks a lot!). I’m a senior editor at Pool & Spa News, a magazine serving the pool industry.”

Traylor noted that he’d seen my column about Lorentz and LaFloata and wanted to contact him for a story in the national publication.

When a guy like me reaches his reclining years, it’s good to know that he’s leaving a legacy behind, even if it is at Pool & Spa News.

“There you go,” quipped Traylor when we spoke over the phone. “Glad to carry the torch for you.”

Lorentz wasn’t exactly hyperventilating at the news.

“Man, I always hoped that one day I would get a big spread in Pool and Spa,” he said in a sarcastic tone.

Ah, but this could be the start of much bigger and better things. In a month or two, Architectural Digest might come calling to appraise the Lorentz Lincoln desk like a piece of art.

Or not.

Lorentz said his brother bought the entire Mark III for 500 bucks and then transplanted its huge 460 cubic inch mill into a Model A Ford.

Lorentz gladly accepted the car’s engineless front end for a desk, finishing the project on March 7, his birthday.

The finished result created a buzz in the Newtech administrative offices, raising eyebrows and provoking comments.

Although none of the remarks compare to what Lorentz said happened to him the other day while he was motoring around Spokane in LaBoata.

He pulled up to a stoplight and …

“The guy next to me says, ‘Look there’s that Doug Clark boat car. Where’s Doug?’”

Lorentz paused a beat before telling the man, “He’s in the trunk. Wouldn’t wear his life jacket.”

Life sometimes is a weird voyage.