The Slice: Spokane transplants and the role of seasoning

It’s just a theory, mind you.

But there are those who believe the outlook and attitude of newcomers to our area is shaped in part by the season in which they moved here.

In other words, if you relocated to Spokane in wintertime your perspective on life might be different than those who came here in, say, spring.

Before you dismiss this, consider these seasonal-arrival profiles and see if they match the moods of anyone you know.

Moved here in winter: Seems intent on hibernating all year. Regards complaining as part of a life well lived. Believes he or she can get by on 20,000 calories a day if not asked to do anything strenuous. Refers to his or her home as “the bunker.” Believes he or she was put on this earth to watch sports on TV. Knows that if you expect the worst, eventually you’ll be right.

Moved here in spring: Sees the glass as half full of unfluoridated water. Feels urge to change his or her hairstyle every three months. Asks “What would it be like to get some exercise?” Has conversations with the backyard grill. Wonders if there is a life beyond the mud room. Remembers a poem. Likes to consider the possibilities.

Moved here in summer: Thinks Spokane is the center of life in the Alpha Quadrant. Enjoys talking about how bad the bugs were back in Boone City. Feels stirrings but doesn’t necessitate HR getting involved. Pushes the envelope re: casual dress. Doesn’t know a thing about vintage cars but enjoys talking about them nonetheless. Takes at least two showers a day every day of the year.

Moved here in fall: Likes to help people. Thinks before speaking. Sometimes smells like pie. Usually sober. Accepts apologies. Likes to say “It’s not really hoarding if it’s all good stuff.” Tries to see around corners. Thinks Spokane limits only those who limit themselves.

And what about those who were born here? Does the season of their birth influence how they look at life?

You tell me.

Today’s Slice question: How ill do you have to be before you call in sick?

A) Death bed. B) Depends on the skiing conditions. C) Depends on the number of incident orifices. D) Depends on the likelihood that your presence in the workplace will infect colleagues. E) Depends on the extent to which being absent would pose a hardship for co-workers. F) Have tested positive for Spokanthrax. G) Other.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. One of the legs on my keyboard is missing, so I prop it on a puck.