The Slice: Knowledge is good, but for whom?

Exactly who in the Spokane area would benefit from going to college?

It’s a serious issue. Perhaps considering these multiple-choice answers would help you frame your thinking, though I seriously doubt it.

A) The kid who wants to bring back 1974 and streak across campus. B) The kid who wants to host a weekly radio show called “The Big Band Hour” on the campus station. C) The kid who aspires to sit around with roommates, drink beer, listen to obscure albums and speculate about social opportunities with classmates of the other gender. D) The kid obsessed with the word “luscious.”

E) The kid who has a professional career in mind and needs to master a body of technical knowledge in order to move forward. F) The kid who wants to direct films. G) The kid who yearns to be a brooding singer-songwriter. H) The kid whose dream in life is to hear his roommate say, “She was totally checking you out, man.”

I) The kid who wants to spend a semester in Italy because she finds American men so puerile. J) The kid who aspires to be a professional athlete. K) The kid who looks forward to being regarded as an academic grinder. L) The kid who loves being a student.

M) The kid who was home-schooled. N) The kid who has no idea what to do next. O) The kid who hopes to instigate dining hall food-fights. P) The kid who mistakenly believes there is a military draft in 2017 and wants a deferment.

Q) The kid who wants to be a star in intramural sports. R) The kid who was voted “most nubile” in high school. S) The kid who wants to party as a verb. T) The kid who wants to try being away from home.

U) The kid who wants to see if it is possible to subsist on pizza. V) The kid who wants to be an outside agitator. W) The kid who thinks it will be like “Animal House.”

X) The kid who plans on throwing up in the laundry hamper. Y) The kid pursuing the American dream. Z) Other.

Today’s Slice question: If, in the Inland Northwest at least, the expression “dog days of summer” was replaced with a more breed-specific seasonal label, what kind of canine would you suggest?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. How would you react to your 8-year-old son offering “He was fighting for extra yardage” as an explanation for why his 6-year-old brother had knocked over a lamp in the living room during an indoor goal-line stand?