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The Slice: Just 35 shopping days left
So how do you plan to justify purchasing trick-or-treat candy so insanely early? Let’s take it day by day.
35. You have decided that the best way to keep high-fructose corn syrup out of the hands of children is to buy it all up and consume it yourself.
34. Fear that stores might stop selling Halloween candy soon and replace it on the shelves with Christmas stuff.
33. Holiday amnesia.
32. You are what you eat. “I am Snickers.”
31. Prices might go up.
30. Buying it for a friend.
29. Don’t kids who observe Orthodox Halloween celebrate early?
28. It’s a Spokane thing.
27. My dentist needs the business.
26. Working on retail ranger merit badge.
25. Plan to blame the cat.
24. “The Candy Man can.”
23. Hoarders gonna hoard.
22. It’s an Idaho thing.
21. What if we get a late rush on Halloween?
20. I might do some quality assurance testing.
19. If I don’t buy this candy now, the terrorists have won.
18. Wasn’t it Descartes who said, “I consume, therefore I am”?
17. I’ve made worse decisions.
16. I’m trying to get sick of it.
15. I regard nougat as one of the essential food groups.
14. You have your calendar, I have mine.
13. I’m watching my blood sugar. Watching it spike.
12. This is my way of fighting back against those who would demonize Halloween.
11. Trying to beat the rush.
10. Near candy, near perfect.
9. Who knows when I’ll go to the store again?
8. I’m not just buying for this year.
7. Two words: Stocking stuffers.
6. Maybe I was sleepwalking.
5. I’m an omnivore. So sue me.
4. I was working in the lab late one night …
3. It was on sale.
2. A bag of Milky Way miniatures said “Bite me!”
1. (Your excuse here.)
Today’s Slice question: Did your childhood home have a mudroom or did you just get by with someone yelling at you about how much muck and mire you were tracking in?
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. If some cable network produced a real estate/home remodeling show set in Spokane, what would the premise be?