The Slice: Up by 10, down by 10

Let’s start with the thumbs down and then consider the thumbs up.

Bucking the assumed universality of interest: Here are 10 possible reasons you might not care about GU basketball or the NCAA tournament.

1. Your belief that if you hear someone refer to “the big dance” one more time you will do harm to yourself or others. (Actually, I guess that would suggest that you do, in fact, care.)

2. Your steadfast insistence that hoops fandom is not obligatory, even in Spokane.

3. You are not a sourpuss. You’re really not. You just don’t have any interest in basketball.

4. You have seen sports fans in action. No, thanks.

5. You don’t gamble.

6. Values inherent in big-time college sports make you shake your head.

7. Don’t like private schools.

8. What about the children?

9. Bread and circuses.

10. Nothing against it, but it’s just not one of your priorities.

On the other hand: Here are 10 possible reasons why you might care.

1. You have been watching the HBO series.

2. You like saying “Zags.”

3. Your grandparents cared. Oh, man, did they care. In your mind, rooting for the Bulldogs honors them.

4. You believe the players in the GU program are actual students, are giving their all and merit support.

5. It’s fun to share a community obsession. Simple as that.

6. You like the way the team represents good old Spokane.

7. Want to hear how announcers will pronounce “Gonzaga” this year.

8. Sports outcomes are not determined by who you know.

9. You really like that Mark Few has stayed here.

10. This is the year.

Slice answer and gratuitous “Animal House” reference: Vivian Ryan said one way to acknowledge the Ides of March would be to wear a toga with a fake bloody knife in your neck or waist.

Well, at least you’d be ready if the band suddenly broke into a rousing chorus from “Shout.”

Et tu, Bluto?

Warm-up question: Do Inland Northwest farmers have more in common with in-town residents of Spokane/Coeur d’Alene or with other farmers in, say, Kansas or Indiana?

Today’s Slice question: How do mixed marriages usually turn out?

(You know, one person grew up in Idaho, the other in Washington.)

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. It might be too much to expect your new juicer to be the answer to all of life’s challenges.