The Slice: The difference between real life and HGTV

Let’s start with a couple of questions about home improvement and its relationship to home entertaining.

Are you under the impression that your home will be the site of one social gathering after another once the remodeling is finished?

Or are you wise enough to realize the remodeling will never actually end?

There are vets and then there are vets: “Spokane Veterans for Peace were pleased to have our book ‘Vet Lit: How We Remember War,’ listed on Amazon.com,” wrote Rusty Nelson. “It felt literary and professional, until we tried to find the listing. Finally, we discovered it with the books on veterinary medicine. That’s not all bad. Our chapter vice president is Jerry Mueller, DVM, remembered by many as Spokane’s original mobile veterinarian.”

Struck by a golf ball: Glen Jones once managed to hit himself after his six iron shot from the rough at Downriver struck a large pine tree and came rocketing back, striking him in the chest. “Leaving dimple marks,” he said.

Glen’s playing partners insisted on adding a penalty stroke for impeding the progress of the ball.

Skills acquired in the military: “I have yet to find a civilian application for knowing how to use an ejection seat,” wrote Mike Cain. “Everything else I learned in the Navy has proven remarkably useful.”

Larry Krueger didn’t have to think long about the thing learned in the military that has no obvious application in civilian life. “Shooting people has to be No. 1.”

Starting over: “My niece, Leigh Anne, has just finished her last chemo treatment and is dealing with the usual hair issues,” wrote Mildred Scheel. “When her mother, who lives states away, inquired ‘Is your hair getting longer?’ Leigh Anne’s terse reply summed up the problematic situation pretty well. She replied, ‘It’s getting taller.’ ”

New appliances/old house: “Everything went well until it was time to pop the stove into place,” wrote Carol Voogd. “It was one-quarter inch too wide. Luckily our handyman had an extra day to spend cutting down the cabinet next to it and rebuilding it. Don’t ask what it cost. And yes, we did measure the space and were assured the stove was the same size as the old one.”

Feedback: “Of course I don’t know who was president when I was born,” wrote Hayley Lockerbie. “It wasn’t like I voted for the guy.”

Today’s Slice question: Ever noticed that the children of navigators seem to have a poor sense of direction?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Some bald guys wearing ballcaps are just trying to avoid sunburn.