Editorial: Our hopes for Spokane newsmakers in 2016

The Spokesman-Review has some special wishes for newsmakers as we enter the new year. All in good fun.

For appointed Spokane police ombudsman Raheel Humayun: a fast-tracked visa so he can take a position that has been vacant for a year. Does he know Spokane “International” Airport has no direct flights to Canada?

For Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump: also a visa, from any one of the numerous nations whose citizens he has slandered.

For former Spokane City Councilman Mike Allen: tenure in his new position at Spokane Community College. No term limits there.

For former Spokane County Commissioner Todd Mielke: tenure at Greater Spokane Incorporated, and success in fostering a better business climate. The entire fate of the Inland Northwest economy rests on him, but no pressure.

For remaining Commissioners Shelly O’Quinn and Al French: a congenial nonbusiness lunch together. Of course, they’ll have to call a public meeting first. Oh, and that third-floor dining perch at River Park Square? Maybe not the best choice.

For outgoing City Councilman Jon Snyder: re-election of Gov. Jay Inslee, who appointed Snyder the first state director of outdoor initiative.

For “affluenza” sufferer Ethan Couch: in-fluenza, as in incarceration; mother Tonya catches the contagion.

For budding entrepreneurs: cornering the D battery and chain saw markets before the next windstorm.

For state Sen. Michael Baumgartner: a Maserati and an 85-mph speed limit on Interstate 90.

For City Council gadfly George McGrath: a new hobby or laryngitis, whichever is least painful.

For City Council President Ben Stuckart: seeing the McGrath wish granted.

For the protest group The Eighth Man: more diversity and a chapter called El Octave Hombre.

For Envision Spokane: copies of the U.S. Constitution.

For North By Northwest: a contract to shoot “Spokane Confidential,” a film noir depicting the twists and turns of City Hall politics, and its sequel, “Look Who’s Talking, Too.”

For Spokane Mayor David Condon, who is facing a veto-proof liberal majority on the council: a copy of “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”

For Rachel Dolezal: a mixtape that includes, “Colour My World,” “Black and White,” and “Pretty Fly (For A White Girl).”

For fact-checkers on the presidential trail: endless supplies of ink and 5-hour Energy drinks.

For global warming deniers, beachfront property or a remote cabin east of the Cascades.

For Washington State University football: sun at the next Sun Bowl, or roses at the next Rose Bowl.

For Troy Kelley, out- and in-again Washington state auditor: a personal auditor.

For The Spokesman-Review editorial board: a better winning percentage on endorsements.

For Inland Northwest citizens: a genuinely happy and prosperous new year.