Front Porch: Faux-friendly chit chat too intrusive

I’d like to go on record as being a friendly person.

In fact, when I was in seventh grade I received an award from my youth group for being the friendliest person of the year.

But if one more stranger asks me “So, what are your plans for today?” my response may not be friendly. In fact, it may force me to permanently forfeit any future friendly awards.

I appreciate good customer service. I don’t mind being asked how my day is going – a simple “How are you today?” is perfectly fine. But somewhere in corporate America, someone decided that employees need to do more to engage their customers.

The result? We’ve gone from friendly to intrusive. Everyone from baristas to grocery store checkers now wants to know about my plans for the day – plans that in no way include them.

A couple of weeks ago I did my grocery shopping as usual at the end of a long, grueling day. I was tired. I was talked out. I still had dinner to cook and I just wanted to get home.

The cashier asked, “So, do you have plans for tonight?”

Oh, the conundrum! Lie and deal with the resulting guilt and shame, or tell the truth and engage in a conversation I didn’t want to have.

I opted for brief.

“Yes,” I replied, and busily looked through my purse to let her know the conversation was over.

No such luck.

“Oh, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Going to a movie with my family,” I answered.

You know what comes next don’t you?

“What movie are you going to see?”

And that’s how I learned the cashier had only read the first “Hunger Games” book, and part of the second. Then we had the book vs. the movie discussion, while the customer behind us waited for his groceries to be rung up. I hope he wasn’t in a hurry to get on with his plans for the evening. Actually, I hoped for his sake he didn’t have any plans at all.

I think this trend started at coffee stands because they seem to hire the friendliest, most relentlessly extroverted people. That’s all well and good, but when you’re not a morning person it’s excruciating to have your caffeine held hostage by conversation.

The Monday after the Super Bowl, I approached my neighborhood coffee stand with trepidation. I could see it was staffed by an extremely chatty fellow. I decided to take action. Instead of mumbling half-hearted responses to queries about my day, I chose to out-friendly my barista.

Before he had a chance to launch into his, “What are your plans for the day?” spiel, I asked him what he thought about the Super Bowl. When he admitted he wasn’t a football fan, I asked him about his childhood, what sports he played if any, what sports he currently enjoys and if he’s ever tried yoga. He seemed rather dazed as I drove off. Maybe next time he’ll just give me my coffee and tell me to have a nice day.

I’m aware that not everyone dreads these conversations, and that some folks truly enjoy these interactions. My dad certainly did. And as someone who has been a waitress and worked in retail sales, I understand the value of customer engagement. But I quickly learned that good customer service involves being able to read the person you’re dealing with. Some folks love to chat while others just want enjoy a meal or buy some shoes with as little interaction as possible. The key is observing and identifying nonverbal cues. And honestly you can’t go wrong with a warm smile and a simple hello.

Last week my son took me out to lunch for my birthday. The hostess showed us to our table and asked, “So, do you have any plans for today?”

I looked at Zach, but before I had a chance to respond she smiled and said, “Or maybe that’s top secret info?”

I wanted to hug her! (I told you, I’m friendly!)

Instead I just grinned and said, “Yes. Yes it is!”

That interaction led me to the solution to my problem.

When next I’m asked by a stranger about my plans for the day, I’m stealing a line from the movie “Top Gun.”

I’ll simply smile and say, “It’s classified. I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”

Contact Cindy Hval at dchval@juno.com. She is the author of “War Bonds: Love Stories From the Greatest Generation.” Her previous columns are available online at spokesman.com/ columnists. Follow her on Twitter at @CindyHval.