The Slice: Maybe there was a strip poker game a few floors up

The Slice’s mention of hanging clothes out on a line to dry reminded Mildred Scheel of a story.

She was on vacation in Hawaii. “I hung my bathing suit on the lanai railing to dry.”

But she forgot to bring it in that night.

“I woke the next morning to find that the top part of the suit was nowhere to be found.”

The bottom was still there on the balcony railing. Just not the top.

“As I was on the 12th floor, there were a great many possibilities as to where it may have gone.”

Mildred has wondered about that missing top. “I smile, even now, to think that some poor innocent man may have had ‘a lot of ’splaining’ to do as to why/how a lady’s bathing suit top ended up on his lanai.”

Gentlemen, what if such a fate befell you? How would you deal with the pointed questioning that might ensue?

Better be prepared. So let’s test-drive a few responses.

1) “A sea bird must have dropped it here.”

If that doesn’t sound plausible, you might want to play up the nesting material angle.

2) “They must have been having a luau a few floors above us and the frivolity got out of hand.”

You know. Authentic islands-style dancing somehow shook it loose. Then it floated down to your balcony.

3) “I have never seen this bikini top before in my life.”

Denial isn’t weak when it’s the truth. “Perhaps the maid was working on her all-over tan and forgot to put it back on.”

4) “Maybe it fell off some woman in a helicopter.”

Sure. She was leaning out to get a good camera angle and – whoops! Hey, it could happen.

5) “Some other vacationers from Spokane are staying at our hotel and I’ll bet they thought planting this here would be a zany joke.”

You know how the Inland Northwest loves topless humor.

6) “It was some sort of laundry explosion on a floor above us.”

Those things happen all the time. Don’t they?

7) “Some woman from Spokane put her suit on the railing to dry. A gust of wind picked it up and deposited it here. Maybe with the help of a ukulele-playing sea bird.”

Either that or just assert that Hawaii has the most unusual litter problem you have ever encountered.

Today’s Slice question: Ever snagged a fishing line in a tree branch overhead?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Jerry Hargitt recently played his first round of golf, at the age of 77.